After Nam Yiwoo also left the room, I wandered around the empty hospital room and then stood straight in front of the window next to the bed. I paced in front of the window with the phone in my hand before planting myself on the edge of the bed.
It seemed Nam Yiwoo's words were not a lie, as my body was in better shape than I thought. Dizziness was a symptom I always had, so it was nothing new. Right after waking up, just walking a few steps would completely drain me, but now my stamina had improved to the point where I could visit the rooftop garden several times a day.
I was still short of breath, but they said it was one of the unavoidable after-effects. During the accident, my ribs had broken and punctured a lung, and they said that no matter how well the surgery on the respiratory system goes, it leaves a mark on the body like this.
And, though it was a bit annoying to hear, to borrow Nam Yiwoo's words, he said my 'body was so weak to begin with, it wouldn't even be noticeable.'
"Hah..." right, this wasn't the problem. Whether I was out of breath or not, it didn't matter since I didn't move around much normally anyway. The real problem was that if I were discharged right now, I would have to go back to that house...
Should I try to hold out by saying I'm still sick? No matter how much I wracked my brain, no particularly good ideas came to mind.
Just as I was lost in thought, wondering what to do, I was startled by the sound of the door opening behind me. My body flinched as I turned my head.
There was no one else who should be coming at this hour, I thought, but standing behind me was the clear form of a person who had occupied a corner of my heart for some time.
"Min-ah yah."
Her pretty face completely crumpled, she burst into tears the moment our eyes met.
"Hic... heub, heuk... huaaa—"
Park Min-ah, beautifully dressed in a sleeveless dress that came down to her knees, collapsed to the floor the moment she heard me say her name, sobbing and wailing.
Startled once by the sudden meeting, and again by her sorrowful cries, I straightened up and slowly approached Park Min-ah, who was crying like a child, and knelt down beside her.
Her still-pretty face had become a little more gaunt since I'd last seen her. She was already thin, but it seemed she had lost more weight, as the bit of chub she'd had on her cheeks was completely gone.
"Hic, I, sob— I thought, you, you were going to, hic—"
"I'm sorry."
"You— sob, ha, I thought, you were going to die—"
Park Min-ah couldn't even string her words together properly through her sobs, and just kept letting thick tears stream down her face.
I reached out a hesitant hand to wipe her wet cheeks and then pulled her up from her collapsed position. Park Min-ah, while still sniffling, walked well as I led her.
After seating Min-ah on the bed and taking a cold drink from the fridge to put in her hand, I sat myself on the small stool in front of her.
"How did you get here?"
"Heuu, is that, is that what you're curious about?"
Tears that had filled her large eyes rolled down her cheeks. Park Min-ah's eyes widened as she asked, "You're worried about how I got here?" and her voice was laced with resentment.
"...I'm okay now. Really."
I deliberately spoke casually and gave Park Min-ah a wide grin. The last image of me in her memory was of someone who was completely fine. Or was it not? Was I a little... pitiful?
It was clear that she had worried about me a lot, as I could plainly see her hands, placed neatly on her thighs, trembling, which made me feel bad.
"After your accident... I really, really thought you were going to die."
"You worried a lot, didn't you? I'm sorry."
"You... what are you so sorry for everything, you idiot."
"You didn't even do anything wrong." Her voice, muffled by tears, scattered into the air. At her words, I awkwardly stretched my lips into a smile and replied, "You're right," which made Park Min-ah burst into tears again.
"I'm so glad, really. I'm so glad. I'm not angry, I... I was just so worried about you—"
"I know. It's okay."
"Your face got even smaller. You've gotten more handsome."
Even as tears dripped from her eyes, Park Min-ah spat out words like, "now that all your baby fat is gone, you're so handsome," "long hair suits you." At her nonsensical words, I let out a "pfft—" of laughter, and at the same time, Park Min-ah also repeated a cycle of crying loudly and then laughing.
After she calmed down, Park Min-ah, having drained a bottle of juice, recounted the story of what happened while I was in a coma.
The person who hit me was a graduate student who had been driving after not sleeping for a week due to preparing for an academic conference and research assigned by his professor. He said he saw me and hit the brake, but it just so happened to be the accelerator. He was so flustered that the concept of left and right had vanished from his mind.
'Just my luck. What rotten luck.' A ridiculous thought momentarily flashed through my mind: if only I had found a four-leaf clover that day... would the accident not have happened? And as if she had read my thoughts, Park Min-ah opened her small bag and rummaged around for something.
"This."
Her voice still wet with tears, she held something out in front of me, placing the leaf I had been searching for so desperately on her small palm.
"I didn't find it."
"...Then."
"...Jaehoon did. When I said I was coming to see you, he told me to give it to you as if I found it..."
"..."
"I don't want to lie to you... It's a secret from Jaehoon, okay?"
Park Min-ah moved the four-leaf clover that had been on her palm onto mine and winked her moist, tear-filled eyes. I gave a clumsy smile and nodded. I couldn't take my eyes off the four-leaf clover lying neatly in my palm.
Park Min-ah reached out her small hand to my sunken cheek and pulled it upwards.
"Yeoul-ah."
"..."
"I'm so, so glad you're awake."
Park Min-ah met my gaze and then curved her eyes into a half-moon smile. I, too, smiled a little back at her.
After that, we talked about everyday things. Things like when I would be discharged, and if my body was really okay. And so, we spent a rather leisurely afternoon together.
Even after Park Min-ah left, the clover on my palm was never set down. A curiosity arose as to how he found it. And a sense of disappointment, that I had wanted to find it myself.
A four-leaf clover, dark green with a white band and heart-shaped leaves. It was nowhere to be found when I was looking for it, and now it was finally in my hand.
Losing track of time, I examined the clover for a long while longer before placing it gently on the bedside table, in the most visible spot.
* * *
Lying down early, I couldn't fall asleep even as the night deepened. I lay flat on my back, then on my side, then on my stomach, repeating the cycle, before finally ending up on my back as I had started.
I couldn't sleep well. As the night grew darker, my thoughts deepened just as much. The scattered thoughts that came to mind roamed my head, completely unorganized.
"Haaa..."
A long, deep sigh escaped my frustrated chest. I had changed my position lying flat on my back more than ten times when the sound of the door opening cut through the quiet stillness.
Lying on my side, I glanced out the window once and then quietly closed my eyes. To be honest, the thought of suddenly turning around to startle whoever came in did cross my mind for a very brief, a really brief, moment, but I didn't act on it.
The soft sound of footsteps echoed, followed by the even quieter sound of a chair being dragged. Thud, only after he slumped down did I hear a long sigh. A familiar scent carried on the breath of my housemate sitting behind me brushed past my nose.
"Ha Yeoul."
"..."
"Yeoul-ah."
Uncharacteristically, Seo Jaehoon's voice was full of trembling. If I had been asleep, I probably wouldn't have known that his voice was this small and pitiful.
"I wanted to see you, but you have your back to me today."
"..."
"I don't know how many days I spent digging through the school lawn looking for a four-leaf clover... I thought I was going to die before I found it... Why were you looking for it so desperately?"
His voice, mixed with a sigh, settled alone in the silent hospital room. I heard the sound of a dry swallow, a long-exhaled breath, and the sound of lips touching and parting several times.
"No, that's not it..."
Just as I was getting a little frustrated wondering why he was hesitating so much to say what he wanted to say.
"I'm sorry."
"..."
"I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner, the rumor... what was so important about it? Why did I... to you..."
"..."
"If only I could turn back time, I would somehow go back to then... instead of yelling at you, I would have said it's okay because I knew it wasn't true. Instead of words that would leave scars on you, I would have just told you I liked you one more time. Instead of not letting you leave the house, I would have taken you to many nice places..."
A very small, confession-like admission from Seo Jaehoon continued.
"If I had, an accident like this wouldn't have happened."
"..."
"That's all I think about. Why did I do things that would only be left as regrets every single moment. Fuck... why did I... become a scar to you. In the end, I can't even look you properly in the eye once. I'm so sorry I can't even say your name properly..."
Eventually, Seo Jaehoon's voice became wet with tears. My name and curses tangled together through his sobbing lips. And then, the confession of "I'm sorry" continued again.
A series of long, deep sighs burst out.
I listened quietly to all of Seo Jaehoon's mutterings, then slowly turned the body I had on its side to meet his eyes.
He seemed to have frozen from the moment I started to move, unable to even breathe properly. Then, when my body had fully turned and our eyes met, he couldn't even blink.
"Hah..."
"I told you not to come."
"...Sorry."
Seo Jaehoon ducked his head low and muttered softly. "I'm sorry, sorry." His parted lips kept muttering the same sound. From his lowered face, clear drops of moisture fell.
"I won't come. I'm sorry."
"..."
"While you were sleeping... I was just going to come for a moment and leave, I didn't mean to wake you..."
Seo Jaehoon stammered out excuses and then straightened up. "I'll go," he said urgently and moved at the same time. I don't know why, but...
"Seo Jaehoon."
I called out to the hastily retreating Seo Jaehoon. His straight back and broad shoulders, which had been slumped, flinched greatly at my call.
"Jaehoon-ah."
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