My body flinched as the door slammed shut behind me with a loud ‘tak’.
Seo Jaehoon locked the door and pulled my wrist. I wanted to say something, but my mind went completely blank, and I couldn't think of anything to say.
“Ah, wait—Jae, Jaehoon-ah…! Eut—”
Seo Jaehoon grabbed my wrist with such force that it was almost brutish and practically threw me onto the bed. The momentum caused my body to lean back a little, but before I could even straighten myself, Seo Jaehoon pushed my body back, forcing me to lie down completely.
“Wai, wait—”
“Ha Yeoul.”
“Jaehoon-ah, just a moment…!”
As his lips urgently pressed against mine, I stretched out my arms and pushed against Seo Jaehoon's shoulder. As always, with a touch that lacked any strength, Seo Jaehoon didn't budge and instead snatched my wrist. His lips, which seemed like they would never part, separated slightly.
“Don’t push me away. Like this, as if you don’t want it.”
His dark, sunken eyes were frightening. His voice, lower than usual, was too.
I couldn't bring myself to answer. I couldn't even close my parted lips and met his menacing gaze.
Instead of waiting for my answer, Seo Jaehoon kissed me again. Rougher and more urgent than before. He forced open my already parted lips and explored my mouth as he pleased.
Tears streamed down my face before I could even realize it. The deeper the kiss became, the deeper my sobs grew. In the brief moments when our lips parted, only whimpering moans escaped. My body trembled reflexively, but Seo Jaehoon acted as if he didn't like even that and was only being fierce.
With his usual habit, he pulled my tongue into his mouth and chewed and sucked on it until he was satisfied. The inside of my mouth, which had tasted of toothpaste, was now filled with the metallic taste of blood from my bitten tongue.
“Hmph— Heu… Hng, ah—”
My body flinched every time Seo Jaehoon used his teeth.
The rough kiss did seem to have an end, as our chaotically entangled tongues were released, and then his lips slowly moved away. My vision swam. Even when I blinked and let the tears flow, my eyes would fill up with moisture again, making Seo Jaehoon's face in front of me look as if it were submerged in water.
“Why are you crying like this?”
“Hng… I, I don’t know. I’m scared.”
The eyes looking at me were boiling. I couldn't tell if it was because he was angry or because of something else. Maybe it was both.
My body, oblivious, continued to tremble intermittently. Seo Jaehoon stared at me with his jaw clenched, as if he were suppressing something, and then dropped his forehead onto my trembling shoulder with a ‘tuk’.
“I think I’m going crazy. Why did you have to show that side of yourself, fuck, making a person—”
“Hmph… huff… Haa—”
I couldn't hold back my sobs. In the end, a choking sound escaped from deep within my throat. Seo Jaehoon slowly inhaled and then exhaled a long breath, repeating this several times.
“The three of us acting like crazy people over you, barely…”
Seo Jaehoon stopped what he was about to say, released the hand that was holding my wrist, and got up from my body where he had been lying on top of me as if we were one.
In an instant, his body was far away from the bed, standing stiffly in front of the window. All I could see was his back, but even with just his back, Seo Jaehoon was clearly showing that he was angry.
He nervously swept his face and opened the window. A cold wind instantly cooled the hot air that had risen.
I barely managed to lift my still trembling body. The tears, as if my tear ducts were broken, wouldn't stop flowing. I pressed the corners of my eyes with a trembling hand and moved my head to follow Seo Jaehoon’s back.
“Go.”
“……”
“Get out. If you’re here, I don’t know what I might do.”
A monotone voice echoed. My blank eyes were fixed on Seo Jaehoon for a long time before slowly turning to the door.
I moved without a moment's hesitation, and there was a rustle as the bed sheets brushed against my body.
As I stepped off the bed, my body swayed as always, but I quickly regained my balance and started walking. The trembling and the tears still showed no signs of stopping. Would I calm down a bit once I get out of here?
I grabbed the doorknob and turned it, and the lock popped out with a ‘tuk’ sound. Even at that sound, my shoulders flinched.
As I opened the door and went out, the figures of Nam Kangwoo and Mo Taehee, who still hadn't left, came into view. It seemed like they knew I would come out soon. I didn't know that.
A wave of disappointment towards the two who didn't stop Seo Jaehoon from dragging me in washed over me, but then I gave up, thinking that it couldn't be helped. The sadness was overwhelming, but even that felt like a chore right now.
I made eye contact with the two of them in turn as they looked at my face with concern. My eyes were shedding thick streams of tears every time I blinked, but I didn't even have the energy to wipe them with the back of my hand, so I just moved my body.
Sally, who had been waiting for me in front of Seo Jaehoon's room door, circled around my feet. As if this small creature could also grasp the atmosphere, its tail, which was always wagging, was tucked between its legs. As I walked, it followed me, making a ‘tak-tak-tak’ sound.
My room door was wide open as always. The hand that grabbed the doorknob hesitated. I wiped the tears that were dripping down my chin with the back of my hand and slowly, little by little, pushed the door closed.
That was the first time I had closed the door since that day. What's the big deal?
I leaned against the closed door with a ‘tak’ sound and then started walking again. I had no energy in my entire body. I never knew that walking the few steps to the bed could be this exhausting.
I was exhausted from just those few steps. I barely managed to sit on the edge of the bed before my body fell backward.
The tears that still drenched my face showed no signs of stopping. I just resented my brain for not being able to remember what had happened yesterday. From what the three of them said, it seemed like I… ha, had kissed Han Seoyun. With no memory of it, not even a trace, there was no way of knowing what the situation was like.
I thought that I had no choice but to go to school and ask Park Chanmin, but even that made me anxious. In my faint memory, Park Chanmin was more drunk than me and was passed out on the table. A useless bastard…
“Hic… Hic… It’s annoying. Huff.”
I buried my face in the blanket and muffled my voice. A complex mix of emotions welled up, and eventually, I burst into tears.
As if to comfort me, Sally’s nose touched the top of my head. I could feel her shallow breaths spreading at a constant rate. It was a comfort given by my cute little creature, a little bigger than my palm.
After crying like that for a long time, I drifted off to sleep before I even realized it.
It seemed like I was sleeping quite deeply, but I vaguely woke up because I felt someone touching me. The hand that was slowly stroking my curled-up back was just so tender.
I kept my eyes closed for a little longer, receiving that touch, and then slowly lifted my eyelids. What came into my blurry vision was one of the causes of my sorrow.
My vision, adjusted to the moonlight seeping in from the window, which I couldn't tell if it was early evening or late at night, discerned the figure sitting on the bed.
“You’re awake?”
A low voice echoed. Instead of answering, I uncurled my body and nodded. Mo Taehee’s hand, which had been stroking my back, stopped in mid-air as if it had lost its way.
“Yeoul-ah.”
“……”
“Yeoul-ah, Yeoul-ah.”
As always, at his slightly sorrowful voice, I blinked slowly and then answered, “Hmm,” and I heard the sound of Mo Taehee letting out a breath.
Even to my own ears, my voice sounded pretty bad. I had only uttered a single syllable, but the cracked and hoarse sound made me feel pitiful for myself.
“We were all out of our minds.”
“……”
“Are you disappointed?”
Disappointed? I don’t know.
The emotion I felt wasn't just disappointment. I was scared of my housemates who were acting like crazy people over my actions that I couldn't remember, I was sad that they were pushing me too hard, I was disappointed that no one stopped each other's actions, and I was lonely in the room I entered alone.
“Yeoul-ie must have been surprised.”
“……”
A silence fell between us. The hand that had stopped in mid-air started to slowly stroke me again. I entrusted my body to his careful touch and then slowly sat up from my lying position.
“Yeoul-ah.”
“…Really.”
“Hmm?”
“Really, with Ha Yeoul… you weren’t friends?”
“Are you curious about that?”
At my sudden question, Mo Taehee looked at my face for a long time as if he were contemplating, and then nodded his head slightly.
“I don’t think so.”
Mo Taehee answered like that and met my eyes. I wanted to ask why not, but it was hard to open my mouth. Mo Taehee reached out to me, who was sitting opposite him, and cupped my cheek with his large hand, stroking it slowly.
“We weren’t friends with Ha Yeoul. Sorry to say, but thankfully so.”
The answer he uttered in a monotone voice was, as always, not something I could understand.
Comments Box