#84
“Hello.”
“G-Gosh, you startled me! How long have you been here?!”
I ran into Jeong Seongwoo in front of my door.
Even though he had arrived early, he hadn't knocked and was quietly waiting for me in front of the room. As I, wrapped up in a long padded coat like a kimbap roll, slowly opened the door, he greeted me politely.
“I haven't been here long. There was still some time, so I was worried I might disturb you…. I was planning to ring the bell when it was time.”
“You should have just rung it when you got here. This makes me feel bad… Ah, let’s get going for now.”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t wait long, did you?”
“Not at all. I just arrived, so you don’t need to worry. Also, I heard from the Executive Director that you weren't feeling well. Please let me know anytime if you feel sick or uncomfortable.”
“I will.”
I responded to the dependable man with a bright smile and stepped into the elevator.
“Please get in. I will drive you safely today as well.”
Secretary Jeong soon opened the back door of the car that had arrived. I gave him another smile and got inside.
“Aghhh….”
Just from bending over for a moment, a pained groan escaped me. Secretary Jeong was on his way to the driver's seat, so he didn't hear it. He told me to speak up if I was sick or uncomfortable, but I planned not to say anything unless absolutely necessary. I didn't want to show my condition. It’s not like having someone know you're sick makes you better; it just causes trouble.
Is it because of the heater warming up the car? Or is it because of the heat building up inside me? My train of thought is constantly being interrupted by my stuffy breath, and my eyelids keep drooping. It felt like I could fall asleep at any moment.
The stuffy air in the car was really bothering me, so I opened the window just a crack. Just enough that Secretary Jeong wouldn't notice. The cold air that squeezed through the gap woke me up, but it also gave me a headache and chills. I had to close it right away.
It's a strange feeling. My body was lethargic, but my senses inside were uncomfortably on edge.
“Secretary Jeong, is there anything you want?”
“Pardon? Are you asking me?”
“Yes. It’s Christmas, so I was going to give you a present, but I didn't get to prepare one separately.”
“I-I’m fine. You don't need to worry about me.”
“How can I not? You drive for me whenever I need…. I feel a bit sorry that you were hired as a secretary but are working as my driver because of me. Hmm…, how about a tie? Do you have a handkerchief?”
“I’m really fine.”
“It's winter, how about a knit sweater? Don’t you think the man standing at that crosswalk over there looks good in his sweater?”
“I’ll just accept the thought. The Executive Director will scold me if he finds out.”
“Come on. Would he scold you for receiving a small gift? He wouldn’t pettily scold someone for a kind gesture…. I’ll give him one too, then. Ah, I already did….”
I told that fool, who doesn't know that the person I like is him, who I like. And it was me, Lee Jiho.
What was Han Jinheon's reaction when he heard that? Just as I was about to wrack my brain, my phone's ringtone blared, breaking the silence.
“Speak of the devil….”
The person calling was Han Jinheon.
“Hello.”
- Are you on your way to the hospital?
“Yeah…. I’m in the car.”
- How are you feeling? You were moaning in pain all night, but you seemed a bit better in the morning, so I was relieved.
“Were you actually worried?”
- That’s a harsh question. Of course, I was worried, that’s why I put ointment on you.
Ah. When he asked if my body was okay, was he only referring to my butt? Well, he did apply ointment to my butt when I was groaning about it hurting at dawn….
In the morning, I was too busy fighting off sleep to even feel the pain in my butt, and after I woke up, other places hurt more. Now, on the way in the car, it doesn't hurt at all, leading me to the conclusion that the ointment must be quite effective. The pain subsided after the ointment was applied.
“The place you’re worried about is perfectly fine, so much so that worrying is a waste, but my overall condition is the worst.”
- How is it the worst?
“I think all my muscles are in shock. It feels heavy and hurts whenever I move…. My head, too, it’s throbbing like I have a headache. The back of my neck is all stiff. I think this is because of you, hyung….”
I couldn’t finish my sentence because of Secretary Jeong. With him clearly listening, I couldn't possibly question Han Jinheon, asking if this was because I had sex with you last night.
A simple person like Secretary Jeong might find it hard to accept that brothers did something like that. It might not just be hard; it might be horrifying to even hear.
- Are you trying to say it’s because of me?
“You can’t say it’s completely unrelated….”
- Right. You should have made it so I could be gentle with you.
“How could I have done that?”
- Who knows.
How am I supposed to know if you answer so indifferently like that?
Pouting in dissatisfaction, I faced a shabby truth. Leaving aside traits and gender, for one person to be gentle to another, something simple was needed.
The other person having the right character, and also, the right feelings.
For Han Jinheon, as long as the other person was ‘me’, neither of those would exist. Still, if I lowered my standards, he could be considered the gentle type. He was mischievous, but not forceful. Wouldn't that be considered gentle and kind enough?
Is that too pathetic of a leap in logic?
- Do you have a fever?
“A fever? I don't think I'm without one. I can feel the heat just by lightly touching my forehead. And my head is throbbing. I think I have a slight fever.”
- What about your sense of smell? Can you smell anything?
“Smell? A smell… I don't know now that you ask so suddenly…. Are you asking in case it's a symptom of manifestation?”
- Yes. We need to keep the possibility open. When you get to the hospital, don’t get the shot right away, go see Dr. Kim first. Let’s have him check your condition before you get it. I’ll contact Dr. Kim’s office.
“Okay. I’d be grateful if you did…. But do you think it’s that? I was foolishly only thinking about what happened yesterday.”
- I’m looking at it with more weight. Symptoms can come on slowly, but they can also come on suddenly. Or, what happened yesterday might have triggered it.
Even though Han Jinheon didn't know that I was still feeling the chills I’d felt since opening the window for ventilation, his guess was right.
Seeing as the chills were getting worse instead of better, I also felt that the symptoms were gradually appearing. I'm sure Kim Yujin would say the same thing after hearing the explanation.
- Whether you get the shot or not, give me a call when you leave the hospital.
“Okay. Got it.”
I nodded even though Han Jinheon wasn't there and ended the call.
I placed my phone on my thigh and started sniffing so obtrusively that Secretary Jeong checked on me through the rearview mirror. I was trying to see if I could smell the car air freshener, but….
“…Huh?”
The faint scent I had been smelling had completely vanished. No matter how I tried to smell it again, I couldn’t, and the feeling was different from just getting used to the scent. I placed a hand over my heart, which had just dropped. I became troubled in an instant.
Wait a minute, thinking back, did I smell anything today? Did the car smell like the air freshener when I got in? Did I smell anything in the bedroom or the bathroom? Did I smell the food when I ate this morning?
I have no memory of smelling anything since I sensed Han Jinheon's sweet pheromones at the department store yesterday. That's how it was for now.
“……”
As I started to get nervous, my mouth went dry. I looked out the car window and tried to compose myself.
To make matters worse, I thought I had caught a chill from airing out the room a few days ago, and that the muscle aches were from what happened. But now that my sense of smell has disappeared, whether it was a coincidence that the reasons for being sick overlapped, I have to keep in mind that everything could be a pre-manifestation symptom.
The symptoms of manifestation. For me, it was a more obvious reason and a near future.
It was on the way as we walked after parking in the hospital's parking lot.
Feeling suffocated in my long padded coat, I unzipped it down to my chest, only to zip it back up to my chin. The neckline of my top was already covering most of my neck, but I couldn't shake my anxiety.
One couldn't guess the other person just by looking at the marks, but I just didn't want to let others know that I had done "that" just yesterday. People with a keen eye would definitely see if I let my guard down.
“Ah….”
I was following Secretary Jeong well when I suddenly stopped. For a moment, my vision swam violently. As my body swayed from the impact, I quickly put a hand on the wall to steady myself.
I almost fell flat on the floor. While my startled heart was pounding away, my two feet remained firm. I couldn’t move yet because my vision was still blurry. As I stood there, unable to take my hand off the wall, just breathing calmly, Secretary Jeong rushed over and asked.
“Are you alright? Is it difficult for you to walk?”
“No. I think it’s just because the hospital is so hot….”
I unzipped my coat slightly again. My vision, which had been rolling enough to make me feel sick, cleared up the moment I smiled brightly and said I was fine. I told Secretary Jeong that we should go and started walking first. Instead of walking ahead of me, Secretary Jeong stayed by my side.
A tension that I might stagger again at any moment was added. Ever since the call with Han Jinheon earlier, or maybe since yesterday, it has been a series of tensions. I stepped onto the elevator, feeling the pressure weighing down on my body. Thankfully, no one was there.
While Secretary Jeong pressed the 1st-floor button and then the close button, I leaned against the opposite corner and slowly exhaled hot breaths. It was strange. I wasn't wearing a hat or a mask. I didn't even have a scarf on. I was just wearing a long padded coat with my face fully exposed, but how could it be this hot?
When I covered my face with my hands, I could feel the heat filling my palms. This wasn't the level of a slight fever I felt in the car; it was a high fever that had soared furiously without me even realizing it. It felt like it had been continuously heating up and had now reached its peak.
What should I do? My head hurts so much, and my body feels like it's burning. Even opening my eyes stings, and I feel so nauseous I could throw up.
I massaged my covered face, pressing down with both hands, then took them away at the announcement that we had arrived on the 1st floor. “Hoo.” I let out a small breath and took a step forward.
I definitely did.
“Ah….”
My vision wasn't just swaying; it started to spin rapidly as if caught in a vortex. Losing my balance due to my unfixed vision, my body tilted sharply. Soon, I found myself leaning into someone's embrace.
I couldn't confirm who owned the embrace, but it must have been Secretary Jeong, who was close by. There was no one else here to support me.
That was the end of my fading consciousness.
“Han Sol-ssi!”
With Secretary Jeong's voice urgently calling my name, everything went black.
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