***
Staring at the empty dining table, I mulled over what had happened this morning.
In conclusion, Han Jinheon hadn't believed my words. I had answered honestly when he asked who I liked, but he had misunderstood, thinking I was playing a trick on him.
He had scoffed and said.
'There's no way you'd tell me that easily. I got my hopes up for a moment, but you got me good.'
'N-no. I'm not trying to trick you!'
'I should reflect on myself first. To think I thought you'd fall for something like this, I've made a fool of myself.'
I can't believe he would take it that way when I finally told him my feelings because he seemed so curious to know. It was a reaction I hadn't expected at all.
Han Jinheon didn't seem entirely serious either, but was my attitude so playful that he'd dismiss it like that? He didn't take my declaration of liking him seriously at all. He didn't even show a hint of contemplating it; he just brushed it off, telling me not to talk nonsense.
Or perhaps it was because I'm his stepbrother, and the basic premise that a younger brother could like his older brother in that way just didn't exist for him. That was most likely it. Han Jinheon's reaction wasn't strange. I was the strange one for telling him my true feelings in the first place.
So I don't feel wronged or frustrated. If I were Han Jinheon, I probably wouldn't believe it either.
"Though, it is a little… despairing."
It made me realize once again, with stark clarity, what my position was to Han Jinheon. Even if I confess as a joke, I can't cause even the slightest ripple in him. He felt no emotion whatsoever from my confession. The more I thought about it, the sadder it became.
It seems I'm nothing more and nothing less than a truly pitiful guy. Even his moments of finding me cute must just be momentary. Also, we're even kissing, so he should be a little conscious of me, but I guess there's absolutely no emotional change caused by me.
I poured the warm tea I had come to the kitchen for into a mug. As soon as I returned to my room, I placed the mug on the table and walked to the window, gazing outside. The brilliant light that had brightened the morning had already disappeared behind dark clouds.
My mood is getting gloomier for no reason…
My gaze, which had been surveying the outside, moved to the top of a storage cabinet. There, a large quantity of dried flower petals was stored in a glass jar. The identity of the petals was the yellow flower that had once occupied the garden: chrysanthemums.
When I asked the gardener, who was preparing for winter, if I could take some of the chrysanthemum blossoms, he asked me why. When I said I wanted to keep them in my house to look at them a little longer, he suggested another method. He said he would dry the petals for me. I said it was okay, not wanting to trouble him, but the gardener gifted me a glass jar full of dried petals. Moved by the unexpected kindness, I had been keeping it in a cool place and looking at it.
I didn't tell Han Jinheon about the gift from the gardener. I couldn't. The moment I learned the flower language of the yellow chrysanthemum, I decided not to say anything and just treasure it. The flower language of the yellow chrysanthemum was one-sided love, a love that is neglected.
Was that why my eyes were so drawn to it? I had never once given it a glance in my life, nor had I even been aware that such a flower existed. But for the flower language of a flower I finally came to know to be one-sided, neglected love.
"It's just like me..."
Staring at this, regret washes over me.
'It's you, hyung. I like you….'
I shouldn't have said it earlier.
"Ugh, you're such a fucking idiot."
I slapped my forehead hard before collapsing limply onto the bed. A deep sigh soaked into the duvet.
I can swear there was not an inch of falsehood in the moment I carefully unfolded my feelings, even if it was light enough for Han Jin-heon to consider it a trick. I even had the courage to withstand whatever reaction he might show. I was even prepared enough to give up the building if he told me to.
However, I was incredibly thoughtless. How did I tell Han Jinheon I liked him? What a reckless and dangerous impulse did I harbor? It's because I'm not feeling well. Because I'm sick. Let's just say that's what it was.
By the time I woke up, it was time for Han Jinheon to get off work.
I had only intended to sleep for a little while, but I ended up sleeping away the entire afternoon. I slept too much because the room was warm, the blanket was cozy, the tea I drank before bed was effective for deep sleep, and other similar reasons.
Thankfully, my physical condition was much better than before I went to sleep, but I wondered if I would be able to sleep again at night. Han Jinheon stepped up, saying he would solve my worries. He told me to come to his room again today.
Not wanting to get caught secretly entering this room, I had pretended to be unfamiliar with it, but yesterday and today, I had unthinkingly climbed onto the bed with familiarity. The owner of the room didn't seem to know, but I was so flustered on the inside. I may have appeared calm on the outside, but I was a nervous wreck internally.
The important thing was that I got to have another ecstatic time with Han Jinheon today.
I was secretly bothered by the fact that I had confessed my feelings this morning. Even though Han Jinheon didn't believe my confession at all, I had even worried and regretted it, wondering if he would avoid this kind of time with me, but it was a needless worry. As if to prove he didn't care in the slightest, he called me to his room and had me, naked from the waist down, sit on top of him.
It's a relief, but also bitter. I haven't decided which path to focus on.
"Have you decided where you want to go for Christmas?"
Han Jinheon asked, pulling my body, which was sitting opposite him just like yesterday, closer. His hands roamed slowly over my pelvis and butt cheeks.
"I'm still deciding. Can I tell you by the weekend?"
"Do as you please. For reference, we'll probably be heading out in the afternoon."
"Why?"
"I have work in the morning."
"You have work on Christmas? Aren't you overworking yourself?"
"It's just work where I have to attend somewhere and just show my face."
"Still.... But hyung…"
I grabbed Han Jinheon's firm shoulders and lifted my butt slightly. Even though I was trying my best to ignore it, my attention kept drifting there, and I was becoming conscious of it. The rough touch of his hands, constantly kneading and even lightly patting my ass.
"Please stop touching my butt…"
The deal we made this morning didn't go through. If you're going to guard my hole, then don't touch it. You keep fiddling with it, and it's making me nervous. And if it were just nervousness, that would be fine, but it's making me excited.
I lowered my gaze and checked my p*nis. As expected, I was erect. Getting an er*ction in front of this man had become a common occurrence, so it wasn't a big deal, but still.
"Because I thought you'd be disappointed."
"You thought I'd be disappointed?"
"You wanted me to touch you down there, but I simply refused."
It's more accurate to say you tried to use it as an excuse to find out who I liked. He's cunning.
"Seeing as you said it with so little confidence, you must have worked up quite a bit of courage. I couldn't just pretend not to know, it was on my mind, so I'm touching you like this at least."
"You could have just pretended not to know.... So it was on your mind."
"It was. I couldn't scratch your itch for you completely, but I wanted to help relieve it to some extent. I was trying to show some compassion, but seeing your reaction, it seems I've just stirred you up even more."
If he knew that, he should have stopped, but Han Jinheon touched me more. I twisted my body at the sly touch that squeezed my butt cheek firmly. I wanted to get off of him. Something had started to bother me, like a small thorn stuck in me.
Should I ask, or not?
After hesitating, I asked carefully.
"Was that the only thing on your mind? Anything else...? Nothing else?"
"Is there something else?"
"……."
Yes, there is. The words I said, that I like you. My thoughtless confession. My heart, which was forgotten with a single scoff.
Han Jinheon and I were at different points. I realized that we were not mindful of the same thing. From the moment he called me to his room, I had recognized that he was indifferent to my confession, but that was just my assumption. To have it confirmed as fact didn't feel good. Despair returned once again.
You don't have to believe that I like you. But you could at least be mindful of the fact that I said I liked you. You could show that you're concerned, thinking, 'He said something like that.'
Now the path is decided. It was more bitter than a relief. My head understood and accepted Han Jinheon's reaction, but my heart acted up messily, leaving a bitter taste.
"You don't have to help me. I don't really want to do this today..."
"Who said you don't."
I was about to get off him. But Han Jinheon didn't allow it. He moved his hand to my waist and pressed me down firmly on top of him, and as if he didn't even care about my reason for not wanting to, he prodded at the thin flesh there.
"Where does all the food you eat go, I wonder..."
"Ah.... Nghh."
My body flinched at the touch that swept down my waist with concern. Separate from my mood, my body accepted his touch gladly and acted on instinct.
"Why is it so ticklish.... Nghh. Stop…."
"It's probably because of my pheromones. It seems you're becoming more sensitive rather than used to it."
Han Jinheon muttered that it would be a relief if I were only sensitive to him, but it would be troublesome if I showed a sensitive reaction to other Alphas' pheromones as well.
I dare say, I wouldn't be like this with other Alphas. The reason I show a sensitive reaction to his pheromones is because he is Han Jinheon. Because I like him. My feelings were a necessary condition.
Just holding the hand of someone you like can feel as hot as being burned by fire. In my case, my whole body was burned by his pheromones, and it won't cool down just because he doesn't know my heart. Just like now. My heart is in despair, but my body is faithfully aroused.
I tried to take one last chance to get off him, but I failed. Han Jinheon twisted his eyebrows, telling me not to be a nuisance and to just quietly receive his pheromones.
What does he mean, quietly receive them? If you really want me to receive them quietly, then take your hands off my body.
"Does it still hurt here?"
A thick hand traveled up inside my shirt and groped my chest. My whole body trembled again as my er*ct nipple brushed between his fingers. I bit my lower lip out of habit and nodded.
"It's because it's the first time. It'll be fine once you're conditioned."
As he spoke, he grabbed my shirt and pulled it off. I was stripped in a flash just like yesterday, but I didn't panic and instead grabbed a nearby pillow to cover my chest. Although it ended up being just an attempt as Han Jinheon immediately pulled it away.
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