In fact, I thought if he were to touch anywhere other than my p*nis, it would be my *ss, and I had been subconsciously hoping for it. But Han Jinheon’s hand didn't move backward but went up. This might show his resolve to guard the hole.
I'm okay with it, though. Honestly, if something had to hurt, I wanted it to be my ass rather than my chest. I wanted Han Jinheon to put it inside me. This body may already be worn, but the 'me' inside is a virgin. I want to offer him my virginity. I just want to give him my first time.
I probably can't. I know I shouldn't even think about it if I know it's impossible, but I always hope and get frustrated, get my hopes up and get disappointed. This repetitive emotional cycle made my heart feel heavy from the morning.
After washing up, I looked for Han Jinheon's clothes again. It seemed best to wear the loosest-fitting clothes possible, and nothing was more perfect than an Alpha's clothes. I checked the time and was heading to make breakfast when my body shivered. I felt a slight chill.
"Ugh."
It could be because I just got out of the shower, or it could be the cold air from outside seeping into the mansion. Whatever the reason, the chills, which felt a bit stronger than yesterday, were not welcome. Should I take some medicine? I turned from my path to the kitchen to find a thermometer.
I took my temperature, and it was 37 degrees Celsius (98.6°F), the same as yesterday. That’s a relief. Or is it? I scratched my head. Considering that I took an antipyretic right after arriving yesterday and even had an orgasm, yet it remained the same.
"I shouldn't have opened the window yesterday. You idiot."
I opened the window just to get some air, and now look at this mess. If the fever was going to rise, it should rise completely, or if not, it should completely disappear. The ambiguous heat remains as chills, tormenting my body. It was annoying.
I should take a fever reducer along with my other medicine. How many pills am I even taking? Just the thought of it brought back the fishy taste of the pills, making me want to gag.
Today’s breakfast was toast and juice made from blended fresh fruit. I'm only making toast more and more. At this rate, I wonder if I should just stock up on side dishes and eat rice. I've been having this thought for about two months now. Even I'm tired of my own laziness, just thinking about it and never acting.
Han Jinheon came down late, just in time for breakfast and fully suited up again today. His hair was neatly styled, and he was wearing a suit that fit his body perfectly. When on earth will I get tired of that elegant figure? I probably won't, even when he becomes a grandfather.
Han Jinheon approached me as I was staring at him blankly. He pointed to the clothes I was wearing with the tip of his chin and asked nonchalantly.
"Why haven't you changed?"
"Huh? This? B-because it's comfortable?"
I was taken aback that someone who had never once asked what I was wearing was suddenly asking for a reason. Seeing the faint sneer at the corner of his mouth, it seemed he already knew the reason but didn't mention it teasingly.
"If it's comfortable, you can keep wearing it from now on."
"Really?"
"I'm not at a loss for giving it to you, and it's not like it'll wear out from you wearing it."
He could have just said I could wear it, but he had to give his permission in such a long-winded way. Still, I was happy to get free clothes and smiled brightly at him.
Just as I thought Han Jinheon was taking a seat after a cursory glance at me, his gaze fixed on me again. As I focused on the movement of his eyes, which didn't leave but scrutinized me in detail, he twisted his eyebrows up and tilted his head.
"Your cheeks are red."
"My cheeks are red? Is it because it's hot? I think it's because I was in front of the stove earlier."
"Where is the stove?"
His tone wasn't sarcastic. He sounded genuinely curious, which left me speechless. He was asking what could possibly be hot in front of an induction cooktop, not a gas stove, and my attempt to brush it off with a random excuse was shot down. The silence was of my own doing.
Should I tell him about my condition? The conflict ended anticlimactically. I didn't want to hear him nag about why I opened the window. I also didn't want to worry a busy person. I'd be fine if I took my medicine and rested well. I switched to positive thinking.
I touched my cheek first with my palm, then with the back of my hand. I was so unaware that my cheeks were flushed that I didn't even know about the heat they held, so I was incredibly surprised. 'What, it's really hot.'
"I took a really hot shower earlier, maybe that's why? Is the heat still in my body?"
"Just how hot did you make it?"
"Are you trying to make me feel guilty about using too much hot water? Should I use cold water?"
When I retorted in Han Jinheon's style, his eyebrows, which had just settled, twisted once more. It was always me who was left dumbfounded, but this time, he was the owner of that loss.
'See? How absurd this kind of retort is.'
"How can you think of it that way? You can use as much as you want."
He said I could use it as I pleased, but he still seemed to find it absurd.
"Ha."
He let out a dry laugh and then raised a hand to cover his mouth. I wondered what shape his lips, hidden behind that large hand, were making, but I couldn't see them no matter how hard I looked.
"Why are you sitting so awkwardly?" Han Jinheon asked, putting down the juice he was about to drink after having firmly composed his face.
"Me? I'm sitting properly."
I tried to act innocent by slyly straightening my back, but it was no use. I leaned back again, bending my upper body. Just as he said, I was sitting awkwardly. My nipples became sore again as they chafed against the clothes.
"It's because of your chest, isn't it?"
Han Jinheon, who had been staring at my actions, scratched the side of his mouth and feigned ignorance. He knows everything but is pretending not to.
"I guess it really was your first time. Seeing how it hurts even though I did it gently."
"You weren't... gentle at all, you know?"
Though this body's skin is also delicate.
I glared at Han Jinheon with a sulky face before lowering my head. To think that that handsome man, an Alpha ten years my senior, had clung to my chest yesterday and sucked and licked my nipples was unbelievable. Seeing as my chest felt ticklish and my heart was pounding, it must be real.
I neatly placed both my legs onto the chair. Then I pulled my clothes to cover my legs. Han Jinheon clicked his tongue, saying I would ruin the clothes with my sudden action.
"I'll have to be a little more careful when I touch you from now on."
"From now on? You're going to touch me again?"
He nodded, taking a sip of his juice. I, on the contrary, shook my head.
"I don't want to. I don't want to be in pain like this again…."
"It only hurts because it's the first time. You know you'll get used to it if you keep doing it. Despite what you say, you seemed to be feeling it just fine yesterday."
"I hate that the most."
Why did I feel it that much?
A blush-inducing memory flashed by. How much did I feel in Han Jinheon's arms yesterday? Didn't I even clutch his hair while feeling it? I might have fallen asleep like that because I used up all my energy accepting the new pleasure.
"You need to be conditioned well from the start so it won't hurt when another guy sucks on them in the future."
When another guy sucks on them?
So he wouldn't mind if another guy sucked my chest. Of course. What would a person who's even making an Alpha list care whether my chest is sucked by someone else or not? I know it all, but I still feel disappointed.
Suddenly, I see the image of a parent with a grown-up child in Han Jinheon. To him, my manifestation as an Omega must be like a child's independence. He might want to hand me over to another Alpha quickly. And he would feel relief rather than emptiness from my absence. He definitely would.
He'll take not just my chest's first time, but all of my firsts, and condition me to his liking, and then it'll be over once he sends me to another Alpha….
If that's the case. If that's what's going to happen.
"Instead of my chest…. m-maybe you could… condition my… my below…"
Even though I said it, my voice was barely audible.
It was embarrassing to argue confidently. But not saying anything made my sulking heart unable to leave my lips alone. I let out my true feelings in a low voice and then drank some water.
"You prefer being touched down there? You want me to touch you there?"
At his nonchalant question that hit the nail on the head, I almost spat out my water. I hurriedly covered my lips with both hands and gulped the water down. It didn't go down smoothly but rather harshly, and it felt like it had scraped my esophagus. It hurt.
It wasn't that I thought he wouldn't hear me at all. But even if he did, my voice was almost half breath, so I expected he wouldn't understand what I said, but I was proven spectacularly wrong.
Han Jinheon understood exactly what I said and asked me back. He didn't just ask, but he also had the leisure to consider Hansol's circumstances as he had guessed them.
"Well, you're being touched here and there, but only your hole is safe. It's not rewarding when you're showing your ass and all. It must be frustrating from your perspective."
"……."
"But hyung promised to guard that hole for you."
Right. And I'm only now regretting that condition. I silently voiced my regret and nodded. Han Jinheon leisurely placed both his arms on the dining table and stared at me.
His eyes gained an even deeper glint. Faster than I could feel that it was suspicious, Han Jinheon began to speak. His calm voice was immediately veiled. I could sense a hint of cunning.
How about this?
"I'm also sick and tired of constantly asking and not getting an answer. So, I'd like to make a deal as I ask for the last time."
"……."
"If you just tell me who the guy you like is, I'll grant you what you wish for. If you're okay with me, I'll scratch that itch for you."
It was the opposite. Before, he did things he thought I would hate to find out who I liked, and now he was coaxing me by saying he would grant my wish.
Does he want to know that much? Is he really that curious?
Why? Why does he want to know so badly?
What will he do when he finds out? What is he thinking?
Leaving aside the fact that Han Jinheon is the person I like, I'm also sick of him constantly asking without knowing my heart. And his relentless questions, even though I don't answer, make me wonder if there's a possibility. Moreover, that wonder sparked a strong impulse.
What would happen if he found out that I like him? What kind of reaction would his desire to find out at all costs show? Could it be that my head has gone crazy from a mere 37-degree fever?
"Okay. I'll tell you…."
"Good thinking. Who is it?"
His elaborate eyebrows slanted upwards. After a moment's hesitation, the instant my inner reluctance disappeared, I opened my lips.
That is. Who it is….
"It's you, hyung. I like you…."
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