#61
Kim Yujin, who was typing away at her keyboard, asked.
“You said it was sweet and humid. I know what scent you’re talking about, but can you smell it now?”
“Now? Hmm. I don’t think so.”
“‘You don’t think so’ means you’re not sure. Should we try an experiment now? Close your eyes and focus on whether you can smell it or not.”
“Come on, I probably can’t. This isn’t home, and Hyung isn’t here either…”
“That’s what’s important. Whether you can or cannot feel the scent that lingers on you when your hyung isn’t around.”
Without another word, she instructed me to close my eyes and try to smell the scent. However, she said I shouldn’t try to recall the scent, but see if it comes naturally, which was already a lost cause. The moment she said that, I immediately remembered what the scent was like. What could I do?
Still, she told me to try, so I closed my eyes and started sniffing. As I sniffed my palms and arms, she nagged me, asking what I was doing like a dog. She said that unless the pheromones were exceptionally strong, I wouldn’t be able to smell them as if something was smeared on me. My face turned red with embarrassment.
“Let’s start by relaxing your body. Let’s calm down… Right. In that state, try to breathe as if you’re expanding your lungs.”
It was like taking a deep breath. Just as she said, I inhaled and exhaled deeply. Over and over again. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't smell anything other than the unique scent of the doctor's office and the aroma of Americano, so I furrowed my brow with my eyes still closed.
“What I’m smelling is…”
Just as I was about to say there was nothing, my words caught in my throat. Something faint had just brushed past the tip of my nose. It was undoubtedly that scent.
This wasn’t a scent that my brain was smelling through my imagination as a result of my effort. It was definitely different from that. It was a scent emanating from me, a vivid, albeit slight, whiff of the smell I had caught this morning.
Goosebumps ran from my head to my toes. Startled, my eyes widened, and my nostrils flared. But what widened the most was my mouth. Rather than closing my endlessly agape mouth, I raised both hands to cover it.
“Did you smell it?”
“I smell… I-I don’t know… No, I smelled…”
My foolish reaction must have been funny. Kim Yujin laughed out loud, “Haha,” without any malice. To be fair, if I saw someone acting like this in front of me, I’d probably find it funny too.
“So you did smell it, right? Is it that surprising? Haha.”
“……”
“Hmm, in my opinion, if you can only barely smell it with that much effort, it seems you’re not there yet. It means your manifestation is getting closer, but it hasn’t fully arrived, so there’s no need to jump to any conclusions.”
“Ah…”
“You probably thought the chills were a precursor symptom, but since there's a clear cause of you being exposed to the cold wind… I can’t say anything for sure until we check your current levels.”
“Should I just get tested tomorrow? If we get the ratio, we’ll know how close I am…”
“You don’t have to be so impatient. The 29th is plenty of time. From what I can see, I think you've reached a point close to the final threshold. I don't think it's at 80% yet.”
Just reaching the threshold was already a rapid growth in a short period. I was taking medicine, getting shots, and Han Jinheon was giving me his pheromones without missing a single day. Compared to the pace of other unmanifested individuals, it was definitely fast and sudden. Still, the fortunate thing was that since it was a safely induced manifestation, there were fewer side effects.
Kim Yujin, who was diligently typing on her keyboard as if writing something on my chart, spoke at length to reassure me.
“The person closest to you is your brother, and he’s the one giving you pheromones, so it’s natural for you to start smelling his pheromones a little. So don’t be surprised like you were just now when you suddenly smell it.”
“Okay.”
“It’s fun for me to watch, but like I told you before, a temporary loss of the sense of smell is a precursor to manifestation. Once the manifestation is over, your sense of smell will return, and you’ll probably lose your mind then. You’ll become so sensitive it’ll feel like you can smell every single scent that exists in the world.”
Following Kim Yujin, who laughed saying she wanted to rip her own nose off, I raised the corners of my lips and then let them fall. When I first heard about the precursor symptoms, I couldn't concentrate, so it didn't really hit me, but hearing it again today made me feel worried and scared. Maybe it was because I could now faintly smell pheromones.
“When you become an Omega, all the Omegas in the world are going to have to be on their toes.”
“…Why?”
“Why do you think? You’re this pretty, so if you’re an Omega, all the Alphas are bound to be captivated by you.”
My cheeks flushed at the unexpected compliment. When I lowered my head, saying I was embarrassed, Kim Yujin said, “Oh?” as if surprised by my reaction, and then ruffled my neatly arranged hair.
It was the same kind of skinship as Han Jinheon’s. In fact, her gentle touch should have felt much better than his rough stroking, but surprisingly, it had little effect on me. It seemed I had grown used to Han Jinheon’s touch.
“If it weren’t for your hyung, I’d ask you to marry me.”
“Again…”
“I only joke like this because I’m in front of you. If it were your hyung, he wouldn’t let me get away with it.”
Kim Yujin made a slicing motion with her hand near her neck. I let out a small laugh before biting my lip. My stomach churned. 'She probably doesn't mean anything by it. He's just being a brother.' I deliberately suppressed the hope trying to take root in a corner of my heart. Getting my hopes up about things like this would only eat away at my own feelings.
“Ah. Han Sol, did you know? Han Jinheon is making a list of Alphas for you to marry.”
“Huh?”
“He said I’m not on it. Part of it is because you prefer men, but he said that even if you liked women, I’m a no-go.”
“What does that mean?”
“That’s what I’m asking. What about me, huh? If he’s going to be that meticulous and picky, who could possibly make it onto that list?”
“No, I mean…”
Among Kim Yujin's grumbling, there was one thing I needed to focus on. An Alpha list. Knowing Han Jinheon’s goal, it wasn’t particularly surprising. He said his goal was to hand me over to another Alpha. It seemed he was looking for a suitable Alpha. He didn’t seem like it, but it looked like things were progressing without my knowledge.
I bit my lip and sighed. My stomach churned and my heart ached. I was going to sort out these feelings of affection for Han Jinheon on my own, but to think that he was unintentionally helping me do so, I couldn't decide whether I should be happy or sad.
Honestly, I hate it. I don’t want something like an Alpha list…
“Then come back next week on the 25th and 28th for your shots… Ah, let’s make it the 26th instead of the 25th, is that okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Right? Time flies, doesn’t it? What are you doing on the 25th? Spending it with your hyung?”
For a moment, I wondered why she was asking that. The 25th was just the 25th. I’d probably just spend it like any other day. I tilted my head with a look of confusion, then it hit me.
“It’s Christmas!”
“Christmas is even sooner than your manifestation, and you didn’t know? I wonder if your hyung is keeping you in too much of a boring bubble.”
There was no need to blame Han Jinheon. I myself had a dull sense when it came to anniversaries and holidays.
Before being transmigrated, I had always worked on Christmas. Not once had I spent it cozily with family or intimately with a lover. My family was a distant existence, as good as nonexistent, and a lover didn't exist at all.
For someone like me, Christmas and similar holidays were just days to break from my regular work and do something different, like a one-day part-time job. I didn’t have the luxury to play and rest like others.
I wonder what Christmas will be like as Han Sol.
***
All my distracting thoughts vanished with the single thought of Christmas. Even the chills I had been feeling seemed to get better. It was the aftereffect of realizing that Christmas was four days away, and Christmas Eve was three days away.
I really am sentimental. Even just watching TV, Christmas was mentioned, and even the previews for variety shows were decorated with Christmas specials, yet I had been completely unfazed while watching them.
“Oh… this place looks nice.”
Even though Han Jinheon hadn’t said he would go out with me that day, I was on the computer looking up various things as if I was counting my chickens before they hatched. Those "various things" were places that would be good to go to on Christmas or Christmas Eve, with themes selected for lovers, friends, and family.
Since Han Jinheon and I are family…
I should focus on finding places that are good for family. But for some reason, my mischievous heart kept looking only at places that were good for lovers.
'We’re not lovers, but couldn’t we go on a date like lovers?' As soon as the gloomy thought crossed my mind, I grabbed my hair tightly. I ended up fighting with the other me inside.
'Get a grip. Even if you like Han Jinheon, you can’t have a pseudo-romance. He’s your brother. You can’t become that kind of person to him. Just because you rubbed lips and he held your dick, it doesn’t mean the relationship changes.'
“But still…”
'Wouldn’t it be okay if Han Jinheon doesn’t know? It’s not like I’m telling him I like him or making things difficult by demanding he accept my feelings. I’m just suggesting we secretly go to a place that lovers would go.'
Of course, he never said he’d go with me in the first place.
“What are you doing?”
“…!”
A familiar voice burst through the silently opened door. It was Han Jinheon’s. Caught completely off guard, I was so startled that I shot up from my chair before I could even take in the sight of him standing behind the door.
Wow, my heart almost jumped out of my chest.
“Oh, when did you get here?!”
“Just now.”
He said he came home, but I wasn’t in the living room or my room, so he came to the study just in case. Right, I see. As I was nodding blankly, Han Jinheon walked toward me.
I didn’t really have anything to hide. I was just looking up places to go for Christmas, so if he asked to see, I could show him. That is, if the theme was family.
I was conflicted, but I was only looking up places that couples go. I was too embarrassed to show him this, so like my feet were on fire, I hurriedly tried to close the window, but Han Jinheon, noticing my action, grabbed the mouse.
Han Jinheon’s eyebrow quirked up as he tilted his head towards me. Seeing him act as if he was trying to find the reason for my sudden strange behavior, it seemed this man had stopped me without thinking.
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