#59
He knew that, at the time, he had spoken unkindly to his father about his younger brother. He could have explained in a way his father could understand—how he was getting along with Han Sol, how Han Sol was reflecting on his actions, and how he was going to make him a new person—but he didn't.
No, he chose not to.
Ever since Ryu Seonhwa died, he never had a conversation with Han Dongsik that was longer than necessary. He had forgotten how to speak with him as a father and son, and he had no will to learn again.
Perhaps it was more comfortable this way. A moderate exchange. A present where he could moderately respect and moderately hate him was mentally comfortable, as it didn't stir his emotions. Although the fact that the standard of "moderate" was ambiguous was shallow.
In that moment, a shadow of anxiety cast over his mind. His face, brushed by a chill, hardened firmly. Ah. There was a possible reason why Han Dongsik had asked about Han Sol's well-being.
"Secretary Song."
"Yes."
"Increase the number of personnel monitoring the mansion. Also, increase the number of people following Han Sol whenever he goes to the hospital."
Han Jinheon currently had guards employed mainly around the mansion. He had given orders for them to follow Han Sol when he went out, a measure put in place because he didn't know when Lee Geumyoung might pull another stunt.
Just in case, he had to watch Han Dongsik as well. The very act of asking about Han Sol's well-being meant he was up to something. It didn't come across as an act of affection or worry at all.
"It would be best to keep an eye on my father and Secretary Kim's side as well."
Secretary Song nodded, understanding that he meant to hire professionals, as before.
The first time he was told to hire guards, he had figured it was to monitor Han Sol. The troublemaker of HANQ Group was unpredictable, so even twenty-four-hour surveillance wasn't enough.
The second time Han Jinheon sought out guards, he understood it was after Lee Geumyoung had caused trouble. He couldn't just stand by and watch someone poke at a person who was trying to get their life back on track.
However, the current order to place surveillance on Chairman Han and Secretary Kim was incomprehensible, but he didn't ask for a reason. The day would come when he would understand this alpha's true intentions.
***
A week had already passed.
Since that day, the risqué time with Han Jinheon had been flowing naturally, and I was making great strides. The first time is always the hardest, but the second time is easy; skinship with him had become easier. Well, even if there were moments I was still clumsy.
It was a good thing that the series of skinship with Han Jinheon had become smoother. However, every time we did it, a formidable amount of anxiety and regret piled up, wondering if this was really okay. It was like the pain that comes after ecstatic pleasure. Nothing could be obtained comfortably.
The contract condition that I had to receive pheromones for two hours was a problem, but before I could even make an issue of it, my own attitude was the biggest problem. As long as I was alone with Han Jinheon in this house, I would never be able to abandon my desire. If he wanted to kiss, I would meet his lips, and if he wanted to go to bed, I would take off my pants.
That's who I was. I was acting conveniently, leaning on the condition of receiving pheromones to an extent that it was a wonder Han Jinheon didn't suspect Han Sol's bizarre behavior. I accepted the alpha's touch, pretending to be reluctant and putting forth the attitude that it was unavoidable for me to become an omega. This was how I pathetically satisfied my heart.
Han Jinheon must just see me as promiscuous. One way or another, I shouldn't be doing this with Han Jinheon. I need to do it in moderation.
'Your skin has gotten much better.'
I had been staring at the mirror all morning, fixated on Han Jinheon's words about my skin improving noticeably. I knew it was something he just said offhandedly, but I had become hooked on the fun of looking at Han Sol's face. They say there's a fine line between handsome and pretty.
Have I become a bit more omega-like...
Except for the shaggy hairstyle that was an eyesore, I did feel like I had gotten prettier. Was it proof that I was becoming an omega? Or had I developed a narcissistic tendency? I wouldn't mind the former, but the latter was a bit much.
The number of manifestation-inducing drugs I had taken so far was twenty-four pills. Iron supplements, eight pills. A total of thirty-two pills. My tongue clicked on its own. At this rate, I'd develop health problems I never had. On top of that, I had already gotten three shots. Tomorrow was Thursday, so if I went and got one tomorrow, it would be the fourth.
It's not that I wanted to do some silly arithmetic. I was trying to find the changes that had occurred in me by reminding myself of my efforts. Since I had already eaten and been injected this much, if I were becoming an omega, wouldn't there be at least some minute change in my body? I was worried every day, but also hopeful.
There really has to be some kind of change. The omega ratio should have at least gone up a bit. That way, my efforts wouldn't feel so unjust.
"Before, it was 50%, fifty-fifty..."
'Usually, 70% is considered the point of no return. Once it hits 80%, you can't go back. Manifestation will be right around the corner, and it'll already be too late.'
I mulled over a part of Kim Yujin's explanation. She said 70% was the point of no return, so couldn't I have reached 70% by now? Was that asking for too much?
Except for the one time I missed, I had been taking the medicine diligently and getting the shots without fail. Plus, I'm doing everything but having sex with Han Jinheon. We even did it just yesterday.
It might be greed. I'm indulging myself in liking someone I shouldn't, letting my feelings grow wilder day by day with the excuse that I'll end it someday.
It's not like I have the skill to do anything about it. I don't know how to scoop up the water that has been spilled since before I even realized I liked him.
"But I just can't get used to how embarrassing it is..."
Suddenly, the memory of yesterday's masturbation session came to mind, and my white face turned red as I squeezed my eyes shut.
Yesterday, Han Jinheon had once again taken off my pants in my room. Doing it in my room was my request. A wide, bright space like the living room made Han Jinheon's face too clearly visible, and I was overcome with embarrassment. For the sake of faster adaptation, I wanted to do it in a dark room.
Drawing the blackout curtains would make it too dark, so not to that extent, but the level of brightness where the moonlight shining into the room made his face dimly visible was perfect for me. His sweet scent, his cozy warmth...
That alone was enough to make my heart feel like it would explode and my excitement reach its peak. However, sometimes Han Jinheon would get worked up while muttering something about other alphas, and he would lose control of his strength and come on rough, which would double the pleasure. I can't even describe how good it was yesterday.
Was it that good because it was Han Jinheon? If another alpha were rough with me, would it feel that good?
Han Jinheon probably thinks I'm climaxing on imagining some other guy, but for me, it was solely Han Jinheon from beginning to end. For now, my heart was so full of Han Jinheon that I didn't want to allow anyone else in.
I glanced out the window and stopped my thoughts. To be reminiscing in broad daylight about how much I felt last night made me feel pathetic.
But I couldn't stop my thoughts from turning indecent whenever I had a chance. It was beyond my control. Looking back on my days lately, they were filled not just with eating and sleeping, but with risqué acts with Han Jinheon under the pretext of inducing my omega manifestation.
I entered Han Jinheon's room and lay on his bed. I curled up like a shrimp and muttered to myself.
"This feels so good..."
I planned to leave before he got off work. He might feel displeased if he found out I came in without permission, but for the past few days, secretly lying in Han Jinheon's bed and thinking about him had become my daily joy. It was so addictive I couldn't stop.
"I wonder how far Han Jinheon wants to go with me..."
Will he stop at just holding my d*ck? He must be serious about guarding my hole, right?
He must be. Because I'm his brother. He couldn't possibly cross the final line with his brother.
I should also try to keep the line... but it's hard for my heart...
My impure feelings for Han Jinheon won't die out. It feels like just yesterday that I was horrified by just a kiss, wondering how we could do such a thing. Now, I only express regret with my words while deep down, I'm desperately hoping. I want to cross the line with you, Han Jinheon. I want to be held by you, not as Han Sol, but as myself...
I know, it can never come true. To you, Han Sol is probably just a pitiful younger brother.
***
A day passed, and it was Thursday. It was the day I had to go get my shot and also the day to decide when to have a check-up.
I want to know the numbers as soon as possible. To minimize disappointment, I want to do it at the very end of December, on the 29th, but Han Jinheon expressed his opinion that it would be fine to get tested on the 22nd, this coming Friday. It was practically a demand.
Getting tested early wasn't bad, but I firmly stated that I would decide on my own, and he took a step back. He told me to just focus on getting my shot today. Before that, he checked the torn medicine packet and even looked inside my mouth to confirm I had taken it. He was becoming more and more persistent. It was as if he would find any untaken medicine and force me to take it.
After drinking water several times to wash away the remaining taste of the medicine in my mouth, I entered the living room. My steps toward the sofa soon came to a halt. I looked around and muttered to myself.
"What is this smell?"
A strange scent kept bothering me.
It was a scent I had never smelled before while living here, and it started to appear since breakfast this morning, making me feel frustrated. I wanted to know the identity of this smell, but I had no clue what it could be.
What should I call this scent? Was it a smell from cooking? But it wasn't musty...
"It's a pleasant smell, though..."
Whatever it was, it seemed like some ventilation was needed. I thought about turning on the air purifier but ended up opening all the windows from the kitchen to the living room. It was a winter morning, so the temperature was low and it was cold, but I figured if I was going to ventilate, I should do it properly.
Too lazy to go upstairs to put on more clothes, I wrapped a blanket around myself and sat curled up on the sofa. As I shivered, hoping the air would clear quickly, Han Jinheon, who had finished getting ready for work, approached me.
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