Nam Kangwoo and I sat there a little longer. Maybe an hour or two. Or maybe even longer than that.
I think I was a little cold, and quick-witted Nam Kangwoo took off his jacket and draped it over my shoulders. The warmth that seeped in calmed my trembling body a little. As my trembling gradually subsided, Nam Kangwoo hesitated for a moment before sitting down on the bench next to me.
I could occasionally hear Nam Kangwoo's breathing. As befitting the chilly temperature of dawn, when my roommate number one exhaled, a long white breath stretched out and then scattered into the air without leaving a trace.
As we spent a little more time like that, the sky gradually changed color. The sky, which had been only black, was slowly turning blue and red.
"Ha Yeoul."
"...Yeah."
"You'll catch a cold."
"...Yeah."
He was telling me to go inside. I thought about stubbornly staying here and sitting a little longer, but I quickly gave up. I was cold, and I think I was getting a little sleepy now. So, I got up as Nam Kangwoo wanted me to.
My legs were numb, probably because I had been kneeling on the bench for too long. Nam Kangwoo's clothes draped over my shoulders also felt heavy for some reason. I staggered a little because the clothes were heavy. It really was because the clothes were heavy. I didn't want to think it was because my legs were wobbly.
Nam Kangwoo immediately grabbed my staggering body and hugged me. As soon as I was nestled in Nam Kangwoo's arms, I wondered if this bastard had been aiming for this.
"Are you still dizzy? Mo Taehee said you had a lot of nosebleeds."
"...Dizzy."
This was real. I had soaked my T-shirt, and I had bled three times, so it was no wonder I was dizzy.
My body... was really as fragile as a glass bead. Besides, I was dizzy now, and I was also terribly cold.
I waited for Nam Kangwoo to move while shivering. He told me to go inside, but this bastard was standing still and didn't seem to want to move at all. I lifted my gaze, which had been fixed somewhere on the ground. The rustling sound of the fabric brushing against my skin.
"Let go..."
I really. I hadn't thought Nam Kangwoo's gaze would be on me. But... our eyes met awkwardly in mid-air.
Nam Kangwoo was looking down at me with an unreadable face. Well, I don't think I've ever figured out Nam Kangwoo's thoughts, but I was a little curious today. Is this what dawn emotions are like?
"...Why are you looking at me like that...?"
I dragged a question that I could have just ignored out of my mouth. At my question, Nam Kangwoo slowly blinked and shook his head slightly. No, with a short answer.
Nam Kangwoo slowly lowered his head and buried his face in my neck. My body flinched at the sensation of his skin touching my bare skin. His actions and the way he stroked my back were so careful that I wondered why this bastard was doing this.
Nam Kangwoo took a deep breath, slowly exhaled, and then slowly took his body away from me. He even apologized, unlike himself, saying sorry.
Why is this bastard doing this again...? I didn't know how to react this time either.
"I, if you're sorry, don't... don't do this..."
"Do what?"
"Don't touch me... and hug me like that..."
"..."
"I don't... like it."
At my hesitant answer, Nam Kangwoo laughed softly, as if he was dumbfounded.
"Okay, I understand."
In the quiet dawn, Nam Kangwoo's voice echoed softly. Contrary to the immediate answer from his lips, a smooth, unknotted hand reached out and brushed back my hair. As I always feel, Nam Kangwoo's palm was really unnecessarily soft.
"Is it okay if I touch you like this?"
He asked in a voice still tinged with laughter. When I raised my gaze, which had been lingering around his lips, I met Nam Kangwoo's eyes. A soft smile hung on his face as cold as the chilly temperature.
Suddenly my heart... seemed to be beating a little faster. Maybe it was because I was scared.
I hesitated with a slightly dazed face, thinking that this much was okay, and shook my head slightly. Just do this much, you bastards. Don't rub your lips together or hug me out of the blue. Like Seo Jaehoon, damn it...
My face flushed at the memory that came back to me. I felt like I was going to have another nosebleed, so I unconsciously pinched my nose with my thumb and forefinger.
Nam Kangwoo's eyes widened at the action.
"Why, are you having a nosebleed?"
Nam Kangwoo's hand overlapped mine. His cool hand carefully took my fingers away from my nose and lowered his head to look at my face.
Isn't this too close...? Nam Kangwoo's breath puffed on my face. I pulled my head back and answered softly, no.
"I'm afraid... I'll have another nosebleed..."
My heart was pounding. Suddenly coming so close... I was surprised. Or maybe I was uneasy because it was too close.
"It's cold... let's stop now..."
"Let's go in."
Nam Kangwoo moved his hand, which had been stroking my hair, to fasten the clothes on my shoulders tightly, and then grabbed my wrist.
"Is this okay?"
"..."
"Should I hold your hand?"
Nam Kangwoo, who had been walking about a step ahead, turned his head to look at me and asked. The sky was still black, blue, and a little red.
As the surroundings gradually brightened and the distance between us widened slightly, I could see what kind of face Nam Kangwoo was making now.
Nam Kang-woo looked a little, quite a lot...
...Ticklish. What is this...?
Nam Kangwoo naturally entered my lodging. After drawing the curtains and laying me flat on the bed, Nam Kangwoo pulled the blanket up to my neck and patted my back at a constant speed.
I struggled not to fall asleep, but I gave my mind to my body, which was frozen and exhausted from the cold. I fell into a daze, damn it. I think it was the boundary between dream and reality, but I heard Nam Kangwoo's soft murmur.
"...ke-you."
Is he telling me to open my mouth...? I twitched my eyebrows at the voice that I couldn't hear well. What is he saying.
Even as I fell back into a deep sleep, I concentrated on hearing Nam Kangwoo's voice properly. As if he noticed me, I heard a faint laugh. And.
"I like you."
Nam Kangwoo's voice hit my ear accurately.
Somehow, I don't think I'm going to end up with Park Min-ah.
***
I kept sleeping so much that it was embarrassing to say I came to play. Mo Taehee must have booked a long schedule as he said at the time, and the three of them took turns spending time with Park Min-ah, excluding me.
Yeah, I thought it would be nice if at least one of the three turned on the green light with Park Min-ah on this occasion. Because I... I seemed to be already beyond hope.
I went out to the balcony and looked at the park in the distance, recalling Nam Kangwoo's confession, which wasn't a confession, at dawn. Yeah, it's not a confession. It's a soliloquy. It's not a confession. The word confession gave me goosebumps for no reason.
"Damn it..."
For two days, Nam Kangwoo, Mo Taehee, and even Park Min-ah visited me frequently, but Seo Jaehoon didn't come. Yeah, if that bastard had a conscience, he couldn't come.
Thoughts bounced around in all directions. I, who couldn't finish one thought steadily, nodded, feeling the pain that had almost disappeared.
"Yeah. Damn it, if you have a conscience―"
"Who has a conscience?"
"Ugh―!"
I was so surprised by the voice behind me that I swung my arm towards the back. I seemed to have hit something dull, thwack. I frowned at the sound and the pain I felt on the back of my hand. I didn't hear the door opening or anyone coming in.
"Does it hurt?"
Wouldn't it hurt? I glared at the stupid question.
"What, what is it? You..."
"Why are you so surprised, it's embarrassing."
Seo Jaehoon answered calmly, then checked my reddened hand and reached out with a surprised face. His white and beautiful hand held my red and congested hand and examined it. He carefully placed it as if holding a glass bead and examined it meticulously.
This bastard didn't show his face the whole time, and only appeared in front of me today. With the same face as before.
As my frown and furrowed brow still didn't ease, Seo Jaehoon hardened his handsome face and just called my name, "Yeoul".
"You swear well when you're alone, but you can't do it when we're around."
"..."
"...Are you okay?"
I pondered how to react as I looked at Seo Jaehoon, who was blinking his big eyes at me. You're asking if I'm okay so quickly, you bastard...
I sighed without realizing it. Seo Jaehoon flinched at the short sigh.
"Ha Yeoul."
"...Why."
"You can hit me and swear at me, but don't tell me to leave."
"..."
"I'm sorry."
Seo Jaehoon took a step closer to me. As always, Seo Jaehoon smelled sweet and good.
"I'm sorry, Yeoul."
His hand and voice, which were holding my arm, trembled unlike himself. Seo Jaehoon narrowed the distance between us and kept whispering sorry.
"I'm sorry, Yeoul."
"...I don't know."
"...Yeoul."
"What should I do? I..."
I took a step back as much as Seo Jaehoon approached.
"I'm now..."
...scared of you.
With those words muttered softly, my head dropped. My gaze was directed at my toes.
Seo Jaehoon was quite shocked by my last words and couldn't say anything. Even though he must have expected this reaction from me.
"Yeoul."
"...Don't call me that."
A gentle spring breeze blew and shook and ran away between me and Seo Jaehoon. Seo Jaehoon swept back his disheveled hair and let out a shallow sigh.
"Rather hit me and swear at me."
Hearing Seo Jaehoon's words mixed with a sigh, I couldn't help but clench my jaw.
Hit you?
As soon as Seo Jaehoon's words ended, I kicked the place where my foot reached with all my might, as this bastard had told me before.
Thwack, thwack, it sounded, and Seo Jaehoon took the hits as I hit him. Without changing his face at all.
Without me knowing, I bit my lip too hard, and after hitting him for a while, I tasted a salty taste of blood in my mouth.
As I passed the blood pooled in my mouth to the back of my throat, a cough that I thought had been quiet lately suddenly burst out. I grabbed the balcony railing and coughed, shaking my body.
"Cough, cough― cough!"
Seo Jaehoon widened his eyes in surprise, then pulled my shoulder and hugged me. He hugged me and gently stroked my back until my trembling stopped and my breathing subsided. His white hand covered my hand, which was blocking my mouth, and carefully took it away.
"There's blood on your lips."
"...Don't touch me."
"I like you."
I slapped away the hand that was rubbing my bloodied lips. Seo Jaehoon's words that suddenly popped out didn't make sense. These crazy bastards.
"I like you, Ha Yeoul."
I don't know who I am and why you keep confessing that you like me.
Seo Jaehoon suddenly sat down on the floor. What are you doing...
Without me knowing, I lowered my head following Seo Jaehoon's movements, and this bastard was looking at my feet and insteps that he had kicked his shins with all his might. My snow-white instep, which had already turned red, was throbbing.
"Does it hurt? Is it broken?"
"...It hurts. And it's not broken. You idiot..."
Do you think bones break that easily...? I snatched my foot that Seo Jaehoon was holding with a dumbfounded face.
"Because you're so weak."
"Huh..."
I burst out laughing at Seo Jaehoon's softly muttered words. You crazy bastard. You're worried about me being weak. You...
"...Jaehoon..."
I barely calmed down the rising anger and called Seo Jaehoon's name.
Yeah. Now that it's come to this, I thought it might be better for my safety to get away from these bastards forever instead of ending up with Park Min-ah.
"...Fu..."
"Fu? ...What should I give you?"
Seo Jaehoon raised his head and repeated my words that hadn't become a word, and then muttered the answer he expected.
I wanted to say fuck you, but instead.
"...If you like me... just leave me alone."
I muttered softly in a pathetic voice so that Seo Jaehoon could pity me. Now that it's come to this, I changed my mind about ending up with Park Min-ah and decided to break down the liking for Ha Yeoul that I don't know why it exists.
My life is fucked... Just living is already exhausting enough, but I have to constantly watch all three of them to avoid being devoured by them.
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