Theodore headed straight to the Imperial Library upon receiving a guard's report that Shuian was searching for books related to mythology or religion.
He wasn't sure exactly what she was looking for, but even the Imperial Library, said to house all the books in the world, would make it difficult for Shuian to find what he wanted.
He worried he'd wander around the vast library and suffer needlessly.
Arriving at the library, he found Shuian and Ricardo talking and couldn't bring himself to go further, hiding in a corner. It looked like eavesdropping, but his body had moved reflexively.
"Don't hate Theo. Don't hate yourself either. Theo hasn't done anything to you. He's never been cruel to you, not even once. You must know who was truly cruel. Don't forget that."
Theodore unconsciously raised the corner of his lips. Shuian was busy even here.
Well, it wasn't wrong. His enemy was the Empress, not Ricardo. In fact, Ricardo wasn't even his rival. That was the only reason he hadn't been cruel to him.
Even if he made a contract with the Spirit King with the Saintess's help later, nothing would change.
Ricardo hating him wouldn't bring even the slightest change to his life, but Shuian's firm persuasion not to hate Theo pleased him immensely.
Wasn't he like a mother bird, embracing him tightly, afraid he might get even a small wound?
"I have one more question to ask."
"What is it?"
"Lord Divine Beast... you cherish Theodore, don't you?"
"Yeah."
Theodore, imagining Shuian covering him with his huge wings, twitched his lips, but his face hardened involuntarily at the following conversation.
"Can you tell me why?"
"Why? I've never thought about it..."
He was about to turn back during the ensuing silence but stopped again. What was it about hearing that answer that made him so afraid?
The man who wasn't even afraid of death was gone without a trace, replaced by a ridiculous coward.
"I like that he's kind and that he values me more than anything else."
The answer that followed wasn't much different from what he expected, so he felt relieved, perhaps. Yes, his bird liked kindness.
Knowing that, he often acted sweeter on purpose. But the next answer was something Theodore hadn't expected at all.
"I like his shiny black hair because it's soft and pretty, I like his red eyes because they're like a huge flame and cool, I like the sharp corners of his eyes that curve roundly whenever he looks at me, and I like the way he reaches out his hand without thinking, then hesitates because he's afraid I'll get hurt, and then slowly approaches me again. It's funny, isn't it? There's no way I, a Divine Beast, could get hurt by that. But I like the way he acts like a scaredy-cat."
The things Shuian said weren't things he had deliberately created to receive his affection, at least.
He had never imagined, even in his dreams, that Shuian would be pleased with them. He thought that only the fabricated appearance was everything because he couldn't buy anyone's affection, not even that of the mother who bore him, with what he was given. That was the kind of life he had lived.
"That's what liking someone is like. You like everything they do. So why would there be a reason to like them? It's faster to find the parts you hate. Next time we meet, ask me what I hate about Theo. I haven't really thought about that either, but if you ask me, I'll think about it in advance."
Theodore suddenly looked at his reflection in the window. Everyone said it was an ominous color, and he himself believed it, but once, a long time ago, in a carriage, only Shuian had said it was beautiful.
But on the other hand, he thought it wasn't sincere. He thought that his bird, who was endlessly gentle and kind only to him, was just saying those words to ease his mind.
But it wasn't. Shuian regarded everything that made up Theodore not as misfortune or a curse, but simply as Theodore's hair, Theodore's eyes, Theodore's kindness.
Perhaps, even if that lovely bird really thought Theodore was a bringer of misfortune, he would smile and say that he would give him even more valuable good fortune.
When he got to that point, Theodore almost ran away. He only thought that he shouldn't face Shuian in his current state.
Waiting was one of his few specialties, so he would wait a little longer. He didn't want to startle his cautious bird and make him run away.
He was going to build a very comfortable and peaceful cage, then make him walk into it on his own without even realizing it, trap him in his arms, and never let him go. So that he wouldn't even notice the slightest sense of incongruity.
But his lovely bird kept making the waiting, which should have been the easiest thing, more difficult. He wanted to press his lips all over that beautiful little face until his heart was full.
Just once. If he went deeper, pretending it was a mistake, as if he had been swept away. Wouldn't he forgive him just once? Chaotic impulses kept shaking Theodore. So he had no choice but to run away.
Shuian, you can't do that. You can't make me fall for you even more. I'm already trying my best to hold back.
Theodore couldn't return to his bedroom or his office.
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When I opened the door to the office with a pile of books in my arms, the inside was empty. I hadn't heard that he was going out, so I thought he had just left for a moment and sat down at my desk to read the books I had brought, but Theo didn't return even after I had read about half of them.
I finished reading one book and returned to the bedroom late, without any particular gain.
Since it wasn't urgent, I intended to read them slowly and was organizing the borrowed books on the bookshelf next to the bed when Theo came into the bedroom.
"Theo! I went to the office earlier, but you weren't there. Where did you go?"
"I had a meeting. You must have been bored."
"It's okay. But can we have dinner together?"
"Of course. Shall we eat together now?"
When I nodded quickly, Theo pulled the bell cord and told the maid to prepare dinner. Then he stared intently at the books I had put aside to organize.
"You must have gone to the Imperial Library."
"Yeah. I suddenly got curious and wanted to see them, but there weren't many books related to that here."
"The temple manages books related to mythology and religion. The books that are released to the public, including educational institutions and the Imperial Library, are only those that have been mass-produced with the permission of the temple, so if you want a specific book, you have to inquire with the relevant religious order and borrow it. Do you want me to get it for you?"
Ah, no wonder there weren't many books in the library... I shook my head. It wasn't urgent, and I didn't want to know information about a specific god in the first place, so if I had to borrow books in that way, I wouldn't know where to inquire.
"It's not that I'm that curious. I'll just read these."
"Okay, tell me anytime if you need anything."
Theo answered with a nonchalant attitude and smiled, but it felt subtly different from usual. It was the same when dinner started a little later.
It was the same that he started his meal only after cutting my large steak into easy-to-eat pieces, but it was subtly different.
Ah, I see. I guess it's because he kept avoiding my eyes today. Even now, he was checking to see if there was anything uncomfortable while eating, but it was very unnatural to turn his head away, pretending not to notice when our eyes were about to meet.
Could it be that he did something wrong to me? Could it be about Liam? He didn't seem like he would answer honestly if I asked him directly, so I asked him casually to test the waters.
"How's Liam doing?"
"Hmm, it's too early to evaluate him on his first day, but... Orca says he seems to be adapting well. If that picky guy says he's got a good head on his shoulders, he must be very pleased."
I had expected him to be smart because he had gone directly to his father's slave trading company with only the superficial information that had been released to the outside world in the past, but to be liked by Orca to that extent.
I can clearly picture Orca's happy face in my head. That's great. No, then it's not related to Liam's matter?
"Ah, what happened to Liam's sister?"
"It was as expected. We're paying for her protection under the company name, so you don't have to worry. Orca will soon find her a suitable commoner status, so she'll be able to live a normal life."
She would now be a commoner who had to work for a living instead of a countess, but it was definitely better than being sold as a slave in a brothel or a noble family.
I suddenly thought of Orca, who couldn't get help from anyone and had to kill his own sister and bury her body with his own hands.
Theo, Orca, and me. If we had met each other a little earlier, so that we could all have hurt a little less.
"You seem worried about that woman."
I was worried about us right now, but I nodded.
"I am, but..."
"Then shall we go see her together next time? I heard she's going to open a store."
"A store? What kind of store?"
"Well. I don't know if someone who has lived her whole life as a noble lady will be able to do well, but we'll see."
"Yeah, what does it matter if she fails? Liam's there too. They'll be okay because they're together. Just like Orca has Theo, and I have you. Right?"
"...That's right."
Theo, who had been staring at me as I answered playfully, avoided my gaze again as usual. Did he really do something wrong to me?!
"Try eating this too. It's very well grilled."
"...I don't eat vegetables. I'm not falling for it."
The obvious trick of trying to feed me vegetables by pretending they're meat is the same as usual... What's really wrong with him?
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