To be pitied by the person you liked was despair. Even if we weren’t siblings, it’d still be the tragic kind of unrequited love. An act that uprooted what little chance I had.
And now, I finally understood clearly why it had been so shocking to hear words like “pitiful” and “poor thing” for the first time.
I could be pitiful to anyone else in the world, but I never wanted to seem that way to Han Jinheon.
He picked up the pace of his halted steps. My eyes followed his retreating back in a daze before I quickly wiped at them. There were no tears, but I checked just in case.
“You should also speak clearly so I don't misunderstand.”
“…About what?”
“Kim Gyuyoung. It’s been over a month. Are you still hung up on him because of the wedding?”
My brow furrowed at the unexpected topic. Had he still not gotten his answer even after talking about it? More than a month had passed, for heaven's sake. In the first place, I was never sad about the marriage announcement.
"Of all the Alphas you’ve played around with, none of them have gotten married yet. Not that you’d be sad if any of those bastards got married, I suppose.”
“……”
“But Kim Gyuyeong is different. He was the one bastard you liked with all your heart.”
Therefore, he concluded, the marriage news must have been quite a shock, and that was why I looked so pale. The way he stated it not as a guess but as a fact was utterly bewildering.
Han Jinheon was wrong. He was so wrong. The reason I looked unwell wasn’t because of Kim Gyuyeong, it was because of him. Because of these feelings that I knew I had to end someday.
On the contrary, I wanted to ask him. Was he bringing up Kim Gyuyoung whenever he remembered him because Cha Seon-min was in his heart?
To be precise, I had never liked Kim Gyuyoung. If anyone liked him, it was this body’s original owner. Han Jinheon was the same. He liked Cha Seonmin, didn’t he?
“Shouldn’t I be asking if you’re the one who’s still sad, Hyung?”
“What?”
"I don’t know how to make you believe me. I’m over Kim Gyuyeong. I’m not sad at all that he’s getting married. There was nothing to be shocked about in the first… Don’t look at me like that. I’m really not sad.”
That look in his eyes. That emotion held within those black pearls. I wished he would stop looking at me with such pity. Our loves were both unrequited, hyung, so why was I the only one being treated as a pitiful case?
“I’m telling you, I’m not sad at all! I’m fucking not sad! Stop looking at me with pity!”
“Fine. I’ll believe that.”
It only had the opposite effect. My denial was taken as a firm confirmation.
Frustrated, I pulled down my padded hood and ripped off my mask. A moment ago, I had been grateful for it, but now the opposite was true. I wanted to show him my face, twisted in absolute fury.
How could I possibly convince him I wasn’t sad? How could I say it?
“Alright. I wasn’t going to say this, but… there’s another reason my complexion is such a mess. It’s not because of Kim Gyuyeong’s marriage news…!”
I grabbed the hem of Jinheon’s jacket, stopping him in his tracks. He stopped with me, his gaze steady as if waiting for me to continue.
This situation, where I couldn't be truthful, made a corner of my heart deeply uncomfortable. He had told me to speak clearly so he wouldn't misunderstand. I knew that, but I couldn't. Because I had no choice but to make him misunderstand.
“There’s someone… I like.”
“……”
“There’s someone I like…”
"You have someone you like?”
“Yes… I have someone I like! But I don’t know if it’s okay for me to like them!” I squeezed my eyes shut and shouted.
I had just revealed the existence of feelings I thought I could never show, not before I gave up on this love, and not even after.
Putting aside my pounding heart, I could only pray that this damn desperate plan of mine would work.
“You have someone you like, but you don’t know if it's okay to like them?”
I nodded in response to Jinheon’s repetition of my words. His brow twisted and his gaze grew harsh. I couldn’t tell if he was disgusted with me or just dumbfounded.
“Ha.” A single, dry laugh escaped him, and I watched his pupils gradually lose their focus.
“Ha. Haha…”
He laughed, a dry, empty sound that came only from his mouth, not his eyes. Then he closed his eyes with a sigh and pulled a hand from his jacket pocket to cover his face.
The part of his face I could see looked deeply troubled, his expression telling me like I was giving him a headache.
"Who do you like. I tell you to quietly reflect on your actions, and now you’re saying you like someone.”
“It just happened. A person’s heart isn’t so simple…”
“Yours is too simple. That’s the problem.”
Each word was crushed. His eyes, now refocused, were cold, and that alone conveyed a reprimand. So, him liking someone was itself displeasing. It was pathetic that Han Sol hadn't come to his senses and liked someone else.
I knew this emotion was directed more at Han Sol than at me, but I hung my head, dejected.
“Who is it? I feel like I know them, tell me.”
“…I won’t tell you. I don’t want to say that far.”
“Tell me. Because I need to know.”
“No. I’m just going to like them by myself until it’s over, so don’t try to know that far.”
The Alpha’s eyes became subtle, but I ignored it and let go of his sleeve. I wouldn't tell him, trying to brush it off as him needing to figure it out himself.
He would never in a million years think I liked him. So, he would never be able to discover the object of my affection. Not until these one-sided feelings ended one-sidedly.
“It’s cold. Let’s go back…”
I took a step back from him, about to put my mask back on.
“……!”
Han Jinheon grabbed my wrist, stopping me from putting on the mask, then pushed his face close to mine as if propelled by the wind brushing past us.
My eyes widened at the dizzying proximity. Before I could even comprehend what he was doing, our dry lips met.
“…”
“…”
My startled mind went blank from the unexpected contact. As I stood there, unable to even grasp what had just happened, Han Jinheon met my gaze with clear eyes.
Meeting that intense stare, I unconsciously inhaled to resume breathing. As fresh air revived my mind, my dulled senses also returned. My lips, touched for the very first time, throbbed with a tingling sensation.
That’s right. First time. I was ashamed to admit, it was my first kiss.
“…Hah!”
Belatedly, I covered my lips with my hand.
Though this body’s lips were well-worn, my lips—the ones occupying this body—were pure. They were clean, having never allowed another’s touch. Yet, in an unprepared moment, Han Jinheon had taken my first kiss.
Why? Why did this Alpha kiss me?
Seriously, why? What is wrong with this man that he would kiss me?
For real, why? How could he kiss his grown younger brother’s lips—Han Sol’s lips, no less!
“Why, why…? Why did you just…?!”
The words wouldn’t come out properly. I was angry and flabbergasted, but the shame of having my lips stolen came first, and with a reddened face, I could only repeat the same question.
“……”
Han Jinheon just stared at me, silent for a moment, before speaking.
"If you won’t tell me, then I have to make you talk. You don’t like me doing this to you, do you?”
I like it so much I think I’m going to lose my mind. And I hate myself even more for having to pretend that I don’t.
“But still, how could you…! You’d do this to your own brother just to find out who it is? Do you think this kind of contact is even possible for us?”
“There’s no reason it can’t be. I’ve decided to accept it that way. If I’m the one making you into an Omega, how could I not even be able to do this much?”
Right. Of course. You’re right. Assert your claim like that, please.
Wait. No.
Even if I like Han Jinheon, this kind of contact is wrong. I shouldn’t be enjoying this. Han Sol and Han Jinheon are brothers!
It was dangerous. If I let my guard down even a little, my true feelings felt like they would come spilling out. I had to get angry, tell him he was being absurd, and argue against his coercion.
But my mind and heart were playing on separate teams, and it was far from easy. I couldn't even bluff my way through it.
Han Jinheon had kissed me. This was a man who, from what I'd read in the novel, had barely engaged in any skinship with Cha Seonmin. Not even a single kiss.
“So tell me who it is.”
It's you. My lips, unable to speak, felt bruised and tender. It seemed my desperate plan had caught my own foot in its trap.
***
As soon as I finished breakfast, I took my medicine. The pills I had to take every morning and evening totaled four: three were hormone-related drugs to induce my manifestation, and the last was an iron supplement.
I hesitated, staring down at the pills in my palm. If they were just vitamins, it would be one thing, but the thought that these pills would change my very nature felt strange. For something so small, they were slightly terrifying.
One pill down, a gulp of water. Two together, another gulp. The last iron supplement, and one more gulp. To swallow four tiny pills, I had drunk nearly a bowl's worth of water, and my stomach felt bloated. This is why I hated pills.
I thought about sitting on the sofa for a bit, but decided to handle the dishes instead. Even if I left them, a hired person would come and do them, but since there weren't many, I figured I’d just get them done quickly and go rest in my room.
Han Jinheon came downstairs while I was washing the dishes. As I diligently moved my hands, clad in sky-blue rubber gloves, my eyes swept over to him standing beside me and were instantly captivated. My heart began to beat with a vigorous morning energy.
With his hair neatly styled and dressed in a three-piece suit, he was ready for work, exuding his usual handsome and mature aura.
The casual bomber jacket from yesterday had suited him well, but seeing him today, I knew this Alpha was made for suits.
It was the best—concealing his wild physique from head to toe, yet still feeling sensual. And if he were to undo a single button or roll up his sleeves, he would instantly transform into someone dangerously alluring.
God, he's so sexy, I could die. To think I… with that man… last night… our lips…
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