For several days, Theo and I roamed around, really making the most of it. We always ate dinner out, and we ate so many desserts that I felt like I was gaining weight. Do divine beasts… gain weight?
Holding Theo's hand as we walked down the street, I slyly poked his side. I couldn't feel anything, and it seemed the same as before, but….
"Theo, do I look like I've gained weight?"
At my question, Theo seemed to first consider whether divine beasts could even gain weight, then looked intently at me and replied.
"If you're still so lovely, wouldn't that mean you're the same as ever?"
"……."
I was wrong. Come to think of it, Theo had lost all objectivity. Asking someone who calls my nearly 6-foot self "cute" and "adorable" wasn't the smartest move. He'd probably say I was cute even if I got so fat I was rolling around. I should just ask Orca later.
Theo fiddled with our clasped hands, his face relaxed. Not long ago, holding hands would make me feel awkward and shy, my face burning up, but now I just took it in stride. In fact, I'd feel empty if we didn't hold hands, which says it all.
Anyway, today's destination was that small forest where we first met. There wasn't any particular reason, just a walk. Orca said he'd finished sorting the invitations, so this unofficial outing would be our last for a while, and who knew when we'd be able to spend time so freely outside again, so I wanted to go somewhere meaningful if possible.
When I came to the palace from the forest, I was unconscious in Theo's arms, so I didn't know how far it was, but riding in a carriage, it was quite a distance. Watching the scenery outside the window slowly change, I voiced a question that suddenly popped into my head.
"Theo, the day I got shot in the wing with an arrow in the forest, what were you thinking while you were carrying me to the palace?"
He gazed out the window like me, lost in thought.
"Hmm…. I don't think I was thinking anything at all, or maybe I was thinking a lot."
Did that mean he was too out of it? As I waited for him to continue, the wind blew my hair, making it messy. He naturally tidied my hair, tucking it behind my ear, and then said,
"It wouldn't be right to say I wasn't thinking anything because my head was too complicated, but it wasn't like I was thinking a lot either, just a disorganized jumble."
Theo, who had been calmly recounting the events of that day, suddenly chuckled softly.
"Then and now, you're the only one who makes me so anxious, Shuian."
It sounded like a reproach at first, but it was closer to a grumble, and he didn't seem displeased. Every time he acted like he welcomed even the changes in himself caused by me, I couldn't help but misunderstand, and I pouted for no reason.
"If you keep doing that, you'll regret it."
"Regret what?"
"What if you spoil me too much? What if I give you trouble every day?"
At my words, he laughed out loud as if he'd heard something very funny.
"I really hope the day comes when our Shuian makes enough trouble to give me a hard time."
That lovey-dovey filter…. It's severe….
Just as I was getting tired of looking at the scenery outside the window, the carriage arrived at the entrance to the forest.
It was an outing that deviated from our purpose, but I was happy to see the forest again after so long, so I felt excited for no reason. For the first time, I took Theo's hand and led the way into the forest.
Of course, the forest hadn't changed much. The sunlight falling calmly through the leaves during the day, the sound of the grass rustling in the cool breeze.
Even the stillness when the wind stopped, as if time itself had stopped, was the same, making me feel like I'd gone back to the past. When I revisited a place with good memories, it was more joyful than I expected to see my favorite things unchanged.
"It's still a peaceful place."
Theo, as if thinking the same thing, looked around with a gentle, relaxed expression. I suddenly remembered him throwing a branch to catch fish.
"Theo, can I throw a branch and catch fish too?"
"Of course. Shuian is good at everything, so you'll learn quickly. Shall I teach you?"
"Yeah, I want to try."
I was about to suggest moving to the river when I heard voices and focused, realizing they were familiar. Oh, no, could it be the herbalist mister?!
"Theo, lend me your arm!"
I said urgently as the sound got closer, and Theo extended his arm without a word. I transformed into an eagle and perched on it.
Soon after, the herbalist and his son approached us. They seemed surprised, wondering if there was someone there, but when they saw me sitting on Theo's arm, their eyes widened in surprise.
"Oh, Guardian Deity!"
He looked back and forth between Theo and me with a face that doubted whether it was a dream or reality. Then, seeing the color of Theo's hair and eyes, he recognized him and prostrated himself on the ground.
It seemed the rumor was true. Even those living in rural areas, who didn't know the Emperor's name, knew about the cursed Prince.
"Do you know my bird?"
"I, I didn't know it was His Highness the Prince's bird. Some of the villagers have received help whenever something happened in the forest, so we just thought it was the guardian deity of the forest."
As the herbalist was rambling on, the child carefully looked around and said cautiously.
"We…. We just thought we had bothered the Guardian Deity and you had left. I'm glad that's not the case."
His cheeks were flushed, and he seemed genuinely happy to know the truth. I, who had been sitting quietly all along, got off Theo's arm and transformed back into human form.
"Eeeek-! A, a real Guardian Deity!"
I expected the herbalist to act like he was about to faint at my transformation, but the child, unexpectedly, just looked up at me with sparkling eyes rather than being surprised.
"That's not it. I didn't leave because you were bothering me, I left because I had circumstances."
Theo was watching quietly, willing to wait for me to do whatever I wanted as long as it wasn't dangerous. I glanced at him and added,
"I found a place where I need to be, a place where I want to be."
The child smiled sincerely, looking genuinely happy, and nodded.
"While I was here, I was always happy."
"I, I was happy to have the Guardian Deity too. Especially when you stopped us from going to dangerous places and when you saved the villagers. So, wherever the Guardian Deity is, I hope you're happier than you were in the forest."
I felt a surge of emotion at the child's words, which wished me happiness with a bright smile, but I didn't show it. I put my hand on the child's head.
"Yeah, you too. Grow up happy and healthy and be good to your parents. Time flows faster than you think. Fast enough to feel like you're being chased."
That was also what I wanted to say to my past self. The child didn't seem to fully understand my words, but he still nodded vigorously and replied.
"Take care."
"You too, Guardian Deity!"
I waved back at the child, who was waving his hand energetically as much as his vigorous nod, and at the herbalist, who was still dazed, and then walked away with Theo again.
Theo stared at me as I swung our clasped hands while walking. He must have thought I looked very happy.
"Before coming here, I was hoping I could meet the villagers."
"Why?"
"I was worried that they might blame themselves for my sudden departure. Those people really thought of me as a guardian deity and always tried not to make me uncomfortable. I guess they thought I would leave the forest if they upset me."
I thought for a moment and added,
"Normally, I wouldn't care what anyone thought, but I didn't want to leave the villagers with bad memories."
I liked the villagers. There was no particular reason. They were people who made a living from what they got from the forest.
Everything that grew and was born in the forest had no owner, but they were grateful for everything they got from the forest and didn't greedily take more than they needed.
The first thing the herbalist taught his child was not to take more of the forest's resources than necessary and not to damage the forest for any reason.
My existence was the same. After I helped them a few times, they thought of me as the guardian deity of the forest, but they didn't take my existence and help for granted and tried to repay me as much as they had received.
Knowing how to be grateful for what was given as a matter of course was more difficult than I thought.
I knew how pure and kind the villagers were, so I didn't want to hurt them. So, I wanted to repay their kindness with kindness.
Then I suddenly lifted my head. Orca was the type to get jealous even if I praised someone else, so I wondered if he would be upset about this too, but he didn't seem displeased.
"Um… are you okay?"
"About what?"
"About me saying I like the villagers."
"Shuian, no. It's not that you like them, it's that you don't dislike them."
Well, I know emotions aren’t exactly black and white. But still, these are my feelings. Isn’t he being a little too sure of himself?
"Shuian is kind and gentle, so it doesn't matter if everyone loves you. Maybe it would be strange if they didn't. As long as I'm the only one who's special to you."
I liked the villagers, and I wanted to leave them with good memories, but I didn't think of coming to clear up any misunderstandings myself.
I just thought that if I had the chance to visit the forest and was lucky enough to meet them, I would clear up the misunderstandings. In the end, that was the extent of my kindness.
Theo was the only one I made a fuss over, and he, the person himself, couldn't possibly not know that Theo was special to me.
Then, does he know that I like him too? I felt like I wanted him to find out because I was so clumsy at hiding it, but then I also thought I wanted him to never know. I shook our clasped hands back and forth for no reason
"Yeah. Theo is always the only one who's special to me."
"Yes, that's all that matters."
If I confessed, how would he react? Would he be happy and hug me, or would he reject me without hiding his displeasure? At least, I didn't want to see him smile with a troubled face.
Because he was so kind, I was worried that he wouldn't be able to reject me properly because he was worried about hurting me, and that would hurt too much.
Comments Box