TCS - Chapter 39

"Oh dear, be careful."

"Y-Your Majesty..."

"Drink slowly. You can give your thanks later."

Is she... normally this kind? I couldn't understand, meeting her for the first time as both the Empress and my friend's mother.

As the choking sensation subsided with a cup of water and my throat felt better, I offered my belated thanks.

"My deepest apologies, Your Majesty."

"...There's no need to be so formal with me."

At Her Majesty the Empress saying that, I couldn't help but smile. Part of it was the lingering tension dissolving under her casual demeanor, but the real reason was how perfectly her words mirrored Ray's.

Of course, her hair was dark night-black, and her eyes were not gold but rather a light brown. Though their colors differed, perhaps due to their familial resemblance, she looked so much like Ray that it felt as if he were standing right before me.

When she seemed curious about my smile, I took the opportunity to answer with a grin.

"Actually, Ray... His Highness also said something similar to me. You resemble each other so much it felt like he was standing before me. ...I apologize."

"There's no need to apologize."

Saying that and accepting my apology, Her Majesty the Empress's expression was subtle.

It seemed happy, yet also somehow regretful and self-mocking. It was a face filled with complexity.

I couldn't figure out why she made that expression at something I said.

'...It doesn't seem like she dislikes it, though.'

Wondering if I had made a mistake, I looked around nervously, and an awkward atmosphere settled. The Empress quickly tried to change the heavy mood.

"Oh dear, I called you here and kept you talking. You must be very hungry, aren't you?"

Then she motioned, and as if on cue, dishes began to arrive one after another. 

It was true that the delay caused by preparing for the invitation and traveling had pushed our mealtime later than usual, leaving me genuinely famished.

The moment I saw the food, my body began to react.

"Here, eat."

"Thank you."

At Her Majesty's permission, I first scooped the soup that came as an appetizer, and my mind slowly began to work.

'Now that I think about it... Ray didn't have a good relationship with his family.'

Remembering his appearance when he was attacked during our first meeting, I wondered if the Empress might have been involved in that incident.

'Is that why she made that expression at a seemingly insignificant comment?'

It seemed plausible, yet something felt both right and wrong. When she spoke about Ray, there was clearly affection in her expression.

But why did she react like that to my comment about their resemblance?

'...It's complicated.'

No family is without its complexities, but perhaps because it was the Imperial family, it seemed even more complicated. 

I briefly wondered if Ray had a birth secret, but that thought quickly disappeared. Ray and Her Majesty resembled each other too much.

I dared entertain the audacious thought of the Empress's infidelity, but dismissed it immediately. Ray's golden eyes suggested such a thing was impossible.

Then what could it be...? Though my mind churned with frustration, I continued eating. When the main course arrived, the Empress spoke again.

"Is there anyone the Lady is considering for an engagement?"

As soon as I heard the word 'engagement', the person who reflexively came to mind was inevitably Pedro. 

He was the only one who had been called my fiancé throughout all my lives.

I reflexively started to say his name but closed my mouth. We were nothing now. We barely had any contact, so anyone who looked into it even a little would notice something was strange.

Because of that, I hesitated... Seeing my hesitation, Her Majesty's eyes flashed brightly.

"Is there?"

"Ah, no. There isn't. No such person..."

"That's a relief."

Startled by her intense, piercing gaze, I waved my hands dismissively, and only then did Her Majesty the Empress's expression relax.

I was even more bewildered by her words, "That's a relief."

'What did she mean by that?'

The reply "That's a relief" to the statement that I was not engaged was difficult to take in a good way. It was a matter that went beyond whether I wanted to be engaged or not.

Unless they had religious beliefs or something wrong with their body, all noble men and women married, and the prerequisite for that marriage was engagement.

So, unless one was a religious person, not being engaged was akin to admitting there was something wrong with the person themselves.

So, unable to say anything, I just watched nervously, and Her Majesty gave me a subtle look and smiled.

"Speaking from my experience in marriage... a marriage accompanied by feelings is happier than one for the family's gain. I heard the Estarotte Count and Countess also had a love marriage."

"Ah, yes, that's right."

Both my parents met at the academy. The academy wasn't mandatory, but Father enrolled to build connections as the next family head, and Mother chose to enroll with the intention of building connections to become a merchant after graduation.

Their departments were different, so they had no point of contact at all, but they ended up meeting by chance.

'In the end, she couldn't become a merchant leader in her own name, but she became the mistress of the Count's household and took charge of the family's business... '

It wasn't an unhappy outcome. Seeing the two of them still having a good relationship made me feel the desire to have that kind of marriage myself.

'But I don't think I can...'

Because I wasn't popular. I resigned myself, thinking, what kind of marriage could I have when I hadn't even met someone who made me feel subtle emotions, let alone a lover?

Regardless of my thoughts, Her Majesty the Empress continued to speak in a subtle voice.

"Yes, that kind of affection is best developed when spending time together when you're young. What about you, Lady? Is there anyone like that around you?"

"...No."

"...? You mean not yet?"

"No, not at all."

I've lived two futures, and I spent my time alone until the world ended. Unless the world doesn't end, anyway, I was alone until I was 23.

The Empress looked flustered at my definitive answer.

"That can't be. If you think about it, there must be someone who suits the Lady?"

"Absolutely not."

If there were such a person, would I have been unmarried until 23? Her Majesty looked at me, who was smiling hollowly, with eyes that couldn't understand.

After that, she continued asking a couple more times, questions like 'Why don't you think about it again?' or 'Is there someone the Lady is interested in?'

Ray briefly came to mind at those questions, but I shook my head inwardly. Ray was, so to speak, a bonus. A bonus unique to this life, which hadn't existed in my previous lives.

That's why it was difficult to be certain. Was he a person prepared for me, or a person prepared for someone else who had just gotten lost on the way?

'Because I don't know at all how he lived in the previous lives.'

I knew that the 1st and 2nd Princes, who were of age, were engaged. I also heard that the 3rd Prince was discussing his engagement. However, I had never heard anything about the 4th Prince.

Knowing the future, it was natural for me to choose the best future for myself. However, I didn't want to deprive others of their opportunity in that choice.

'He might have met someone better than me.'

Someone he truly deeply loved. Perhaps, if I don't intervene, Ray will meet that person and fall in love, just as fate intended.

That's why I was afraid to take a step forward. Afraid that I would become the person who deprived him of his opportunity. It felt cowardly, but for me, it was a reasonable choice.

Her Majesty the Empress looked at me blankly for a moment, then bit her lip.

"Then, Lady how about Re..."

"That's enough."

Just as she was about to ask me something, a familiar voice made me turn my head. There stood...

"...Ray?"

A figure shrouded from head to toe in a black robe. It was a sight I'd seen before—not in this life, but in my previous one. Even his appearance had changed slightly. Back then, he'd been an adult, so his head had been much higher, his chin clearly visible.

Now, his face was so deeply buried in the hood that I worried if he could even see ahead.

'It really was Ray after all.'

There was a difference between guessing and actually seeing it. Just as my heart was about to pound, the palace staff nearby were startled and began slamming their heads to the floor.

I don't mean they harmed themselves; they were showing respect to Imperial royalty. The only ones not moving were Her Majesty the Empress and myself.

'Should I, should I do it too?'

Her Majesty was royalty, so she didn't need to show respect to another member of the Imperial family. 

I looked around nervously for a moment, then subtly rose. Among the palace staff were people with titles, and I felt like I, a mere Count's daughter, shouldn't just stand still.

It was just as I, having stood up, was about to bow, bending at the waist and legs.

"You don't have to."

Ray, who had approached, pulled me up as if hugging me, stopping me. 'Do I really not have to?' 

Ray told me not to do anything whenever I was about to do something, so I couldn't trust him.

So I turned my head towards Her Majesty the Empress, who would give me the real answer, but...

'Huh.'

I was puzzled by the look in her eyes. Her Majesty seemed terrified. And yet, she also looked as if she were seeing something incomprehensible, her eyes showing a lack of understanding.

Within that expression, a subtle sense of hope and expectation could be felt.

Why on earth was she looking at me like that? While I was flustered, my arm was suddenly pulled.

"Let's go."

"Huh?"

"Because there's no need to stay here anymore."

"Huh? No, wait, Ray!"

Ray began dragging me away in a bear hug-like grip. I tried to resist, but was it because he was a boy, albeit young? I couldn't overcome his strength.

"Wa- wait!"

The host was the Empress. Someone higher in rank than he was, even aside from being his mother. So Ray shouldn't be acting like this.

'...What is this?'

Contrary to my expectation of being scolded, Her Majesty the Empress remained silent even as I was dragged away.

Even as I left the Empress's palace, no one blocked our path.​

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