‘What an idiot, really.’
I laughed at myself, dumbfounded. It was absurd that I was still suppressed by something from a life that was now gone, with someone who didn't even exist anymore.
I had thought that since the engagement was broken, time had passed, and he had disappeared… Pedro was nothing to me anymore.
Even though I had found out that he had actually deceived me, the things he had crushed and ignored remained like scars, still binding me.
‘I thought it was all over, but it wasn’t.’
I sighed. Only then did I realize that I hadn't overcome it. Currently, I didn’t love Pedro. Rather, I hated him.
But if his existence truly held no meaning for me, then that feeling of hatred wouldn’t exist either. This in itself meant that I was still fixated on him.
‘It’s difficult.’
This was the first time I had experienced something like this, so I didn’t know what to do.
It was also awkward to seek advice from anyone. My family knew me too well, they would quickly notice that what I was saying was strange.
‘Because that’s something only in my memory.’
As I was lost in thought, not knowing what to do about the fact I had realized belatedly, Ray moved his hand and took it away from my hair.
I thought he would put the brooch back on his lapel, but instead, he pinned it to the rabbit doll like a hairpin, just below one of its ears.
“Do you think it doesn’t suit the doll either?”
The white-furred doll was a lighter color than my hair, but it went well with the cream-colored pearls.
“…It suits it.”
When I shook my head, Ray finally smiled brightly. Only then did I remember that Ray had said the rabbit doll was just like me.
Ray wanted to say this: if the rabbit doll that resembled me suited it, then pearls suited me too.
“Seiana, you’re so smart, so why did you think such a foolish thing?”
“…Just, before, someone told me that pearls didn’t suit me and looked strange.”
I hesitated for a moment, then blurted it out. It was difficult to talk about it with my family because they knew me so well, but it felt less burdensome talking to Ray, who didn't know me that well yet.
At my words, Ray pouted slightly and called me foolish again.
“You were fooled by a fool who doesn’t know Seiana well.”
“A fool… that’s right.”
Haha. His refreshing words just made me laugh. When I laughed, Ray also burst into laughter.
We looked at each other and held our stomachs with laughter for a long time. And as the laughter subsided…
“So, who is that foolish bastard?”
***
Raymund visited Seiana the very next day after receiving her permission, driven by his eagerness to see her.
In truth, he knew he should have arranged the date and time beforehand, but he deliberately ignored that fact. After all, people would overlook his lack of adherence to etiquette anyway.
Even before he became an ability user, he had learned etiquette formally, but no one had ever said anything even if he didn’t use it.
Even more so after he became the ability user, a symbol of fear…
"It's considered proper etiquette to consult on the exact date and time before visiting."
That’s why he was surprised to hear Sinclair, Seiana’s brother, speak. The more people spoke to Raymund, the longer the time they had to face him, so people would only bow their heads regardless of what Raymund did wrong or right. They would never directly speak to him like this.
Sinclair clearly seemed afraid of Raymund, yet he spoke without backing down. Raymund couldn’t tell if his personality was unusual or if he was truly overflowing with loyalty and couldn’t just watch.
Only then did Raymund become aware of the situation. He worried that Seiana might dislike him because she had to listen to her brother's reprimand due to his mistake.
Though he tried to excuse himself by claiming it was merely a visit to a friend's house, the realization that such a trivial error could make Seiana suffer in his stead brought him to his senses.
I didn't know.
Raymund, who never let anyone close, had never considered the possibility of his actions putting others in danger.
When Raymund found himself at a loss, Seiana stepped in to comfort him.
"Just don't make the same mistake next time."
Seiana must have understood too, for she stepped between them as if to stop the argument, taking Raymund's side. Seeing her stand with him even against her own family brought him immense happiness.
The fact that she chose him over her family filled him with joy.
When Seiana took his side, Sinclair finally fell silent. His earlier reprimand had likely been a warning - that whenever Raymund acted recklessly, it would be Seiana who'd suffer the consequences. Though Raymund didn't resent the concern for his precious sister, he couldn't suppress all his irritation.
'I'll say it where Seiana isn't present.'
What if she thought he was foolish after hearing that? Raymund almost pouted slightly.
Anyway, the greetings ended like that, and holding Seiana’s hand, he headed towards her room.
The wallpaper was a gentle color, like Seiana. The carpet was thick and plush, feeling like stepping on cotton or grass. It seemed unlikely to get seriously hurt here even if one fell. He could tell how much Seiana’s family had considered her safety when creating this room.
The room’s layout was ordinary. There was a cabinet, a desk, a bookshelf, and things like a sofa and cushions that could be found anywhere.
As soon as they entered the room, there were dolls placed in the nearest cabinet. Some were in human form, and some were in animal form.
Seiana spoke.
“It’s a boring room for a boy, isn’t it?”
Surely not. Raymund chuckled inwardly. He found everything in this room interesting. Not because he was interested in playing with dolls, but because everything here was something Seiana liked.
Raymund was curious about everything about her. What she liked, what she disliked, and how he could be loved the most.
But Seiana didn't say that out of politeness; she truly seemed apologetic to Raymund. He couldn't understand why she was so apologetic.
However, if he said he liked everything here to soothe her feelings, Seiana might look at him strangely, so Raymund changed the subject, looking at the cabinet, and asked.
“What do you like best here, Seiana?”
Although he asked this, Raymund felt he could tell without hearing the answer.
Among the dolls with extravagant decorations like jewels, there was a doll with no decorations. And it was placed where Seiana’s gaze could directly reach it.
It was a white-furred rabbit doll, but unlike the other dolls, its eyes were glass beads, not gems, and the only accessory it had was a short ribbon tied around its neck.
While the other dolls looked like they could get up and go to a ball at any moment, this doll was simple and plain. Since such a doll was placed in the cabinet, it must have had a special meaning. As expected, Seiana’s choice was that one.
It resembles Seiana, Raymund thought.
It white fur and blue eyes. Raymund wanted to touch it but couldn’t easily reach out. People didn't like it when he touched things, so he couldn’t help but hesitate to touch others’ belongings.
He thought that since the owner was Seiana, she wouldn’t dislike it if he touched it… but Raymund didn’t want to take a chance and remained still.
“It’s the first gift I ever received.”
Raymund felt a sense of envy at Seiana’s voice, which was soft, as if she was whispering. It wasn’t envy at receiving a gift, but envy at being Seiana’s first.
Raymund let out a slightly self-deprecating laugh at his own appearance, envying even the person who gave the gift, likely her father the Count, and an inanimate object.
“It’s not expensive. My father just bought it in a hurry nearby as soon as he saw that I was born.”
The first gift for a newborn daughter, and a doll encountered at a toy store visited to make her first friend, wasn't even a custom-made item.
Nevertheless, since it resembled her, if this wasn't fate, then what was?
Seeing Seiana's face smile softly, as if recalling a memory, Raymund blurted out impulsively.
“It resemble Seiana.”
At his words, Seiana’s eyes widened as if she had heard something unexpected. She seemed to have never thought of such a thing at all. Raymund chuckled at her appearance.
“You’re white and blue, and…”
Cute, warm... He wanted to stroke her cheek, hold her close. Embarrassed by these thoughts, he stopped short and instead poked her cheek with a finger.
The soft, smooth skin wrapped around his fingertip.
“Soft.”
“I-I’m not that soft!”
Seiana's face turned red with embarrassment, and she thrust the rabbit doll she had taken from the cabinet into Raymund's arms as if handing it off.
Her actions were as if she was arguing that she wasn’t a soft person, but he thought she was no different from the rabbit doll in his arms.
‘Seiana is foolish too. She resembles it so much.’
Why did she keep denying it? Suppressing his laughter, Raymund stroked the doll. The touch of the fur on his palm was very soft and warm.
This was truly Seiana's doppelganger. Though tempted to claim it, he knew better than to covet what belonged to her.
“Then what do you like next?”
Even if it wasn't a doll, but another object. Raymund, who wanted to know Seiana’s preferences at this opportunity, asked.
Even though it wasn’t a difficult question, Seiana looked blank, as if she had never heard it before. Then, her face darkened as if she had remembered something, and Raymund’s heart sank. He couldn’t understand why she was making that face.
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