"You should check this.”
Without needing to be asked, Secretary Song passed me the envelope he’d placed on the front seat. It was crammed with iron supplements and the medication meant to induce my manifestation.
I supposed I’d have to take these diligently until I manifested. Ugh, the mere sight of them was enough to make me sick.
I set the envelope on my lap and cast my gaze out the window. A moment later, I felt something press against me, from my knee all the way to the right side of my face.
I turned to look and my eyes widened. You startled me. Han Jinheon was staring right at me, his body angled slightly in my direction.
When our eyes met, his right eyebrow arched smoothly. I pretended not to notice and looked away. Why was he staring at me like that? It was making me tense. I
let my eyes wander slowly—from the car window to the bag of medicine, from the bag of medicine across the seat to the tattoos on Han Jinheon’s hand.
It was random, but I couldn’t help the thought: I wanted to get a tattoo like his.
“Hyung.”
“What?”
“Your finger tattoo.”
I motioned toward it cautiously. Following my gaze, Han Jinheon looked down at his hand. He glanced over it half-heartedly, then turned his attention back to me.
“What does it mean?”
"Together forever.”
UNA IN PERPETUUM. Together forever.
“Together forever? Oh… Any reason you chose that?”
“Have I not told you before?”
“I think you might have. Even if you did, my memory is so…”
“There’s no special reason. There’s no special reason. I just wished for everything that isn’t eternal to be eternal within me.”
"Oh… That’s a special reason in itself, isn’t it? That’s cool, the idea of something being eternal within you.”
From what I’d read, there was no story connecting that tattoo to Cha Seonmin. I carefully ventured a guess that perhaps it was related to his late mother. She may have passed away, but within him, she would be eternal.
For me, something I wished would be eternal within me was…
“Han Sol.”
I had become too absorbed in my thoughts. His low voice made me flinch.
“Huh?”
“From now until dinner, I want you to think. Think about what you want to do after we eat.”
“What I want to do? All of a sudden?”
“Yes. You look so awful lately, it’s hard to look at you.”
“……”
“I’m willing to do whatever you want today, so think about it.”
Bewildered by his inexplicable words, I could only stare at him, but he offered no further explanation. As if the matter was settled, he turned his gaze back to the window without a trace of lingering interest.
I rubbed my face clumsily with both hands. His comment that I looked awful struck me like a whip. Was my complexion really that bad, for him to point it out so bluntly? I had even slept in before the health screening, and he still thought I looked awful?
A part of me felt it was unfair. I resented this man who had no idea why the color had drained from my face. This is all your fault. Every night, I wonder if you’ve fallen asleep, how you’re sleeping, hoping you’re resting well, while I’m the one who can’t sleep at all.
Because I liked Han Jinheon. Because I was liking him more and more.
***
If Han Sol usually made breakfast, dinner was a rotation. Han Sol, being home more often, usually cooked, but when Han Jinheon had the time, he would take the initiative to prepare the meal.
Today, having come straight home from the hospital, they were having an early dinner. Han Sol had subtly suggested that since they were out anyway, they should eat out or go grocery shopping, but Jinheon had already ordered everything they needed through Secretary Song.
That Secretary Song really does a lot. He’s an all-around master of everything. Leaving the grumbling Han Sol behind him, Han Jinheon concentrated on preparing dinner and soon placed appetizing dishes on the table. It was premium tenderloin steak and oil pasta.
He didn’t usually go this far. Normally, he’d stick to simple Korean dishes that were easy to make.
He had prepared this meal today to properly commemorate Han Sol’s decision to manifest as an Omega. Han Jinheon was proud of his younger brother for following his advice to try and change his circumstances. Though Lee Geumyeong had lit the fire, and the building had been the extinguisher.
He couldn’t help but have his doubts. He’d wondered if Han Sol might try to back out or throw a tantrum to cancel the whole thing.
But Han Sol had shown no signs of changing his mind right up to the day of the examination, and as if to prove his sincerity, he had gone through with it without a fuss.
He even found it simultaneously absurd and admirable that Han Sol had listened to Dr. Kim Yujin’s explanation with such polite deference.
Anyway, a celebratory meal was set, and Han Sol showed an unusual reaction.
Looking at the tenderloin steak, he salivated profusely, unlike his usual self. He mumbled incomprehensible things, like how beef was an impossible dream, and that even foreign beef shouldn't be underestimated, let alone Hanwoo, which was difficult to eat unless one lived a truly prosperous life.
Han Jinheon seriously suspected Han Dongshik and Lee Geumyeong of starving the child, or even abuse. He himself had eaten Hanwoo to his fill, yet Han Sol was reacting as if he had never tasted it, making such a misunderstanding inevitable.
Han Sol twirled the lightly seasoned cream pasta around his fork and took a bite, then sliced into the perfectly cooked medium steak. When Han Jinheon retrieved a bottle of wine from the rack, saying it would be a good pairing, and poured it into a glass for him, Han Sol savored it with a look of pure bliss.
“The flavor is intense, so it feels unfamiliar, but the clean taste on my tongue is pretty good,” Han Sol commented, giving his own critique as his eyes sparkled at Han Jinheon.
“I think wine might actually suit my palate.”
"It does. Didn’t you like wine?”
“Huh? Oh, uh, yeah! Right! I did!”
He grinned foolishly. Watching him, Han Jinheon felt like he was becoming a fool himself, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, and he found his own lips curving upward.
Han Sol was a strange one. Once you peeled away the layers of nastiness, he revealed a pure, almost childlike side. It had been especially true lately.
He would suddenly get nervous and hesitate, but the moment he saw Jinheon, his eyes would light up, his ears would practically prick up, and he would flash a bright, innocent smile.
He showed interest in everything Jinheon said and trailed after him wherever he went. Even when it seemed like he wouldn't approach, he eventually would, just to talk. It was bothersome, and yet, it was also cute, creating a strange stir in one’s heart.
“I should put more effort into breakfast from now on, too,” Han Sol said, apologizing that the breakfasts he always made were so humble as he cut his steak.
Han Jinheon took the plate from him, as he awkwardly cut the steak that wasn’t even tough, and cut it for him instead. He also eased his apology about breakfast.
“I don’t expect anything grand. What you do now is more than enough, so there’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“Rea… lly? So, just like I’ve been doing…”
Before living with Han Sol, Han Jinheon had never considered breakfast important. He usually ate something, but he never cared about what it was. A slice of bread or a cup of coffee to fill his stomach was enough. As such, he had never expected breakfast from Han Sol.
When Han Sol had first offered to make it, he had been suspicious of the uncharacteristic behavior, but now, he was simply grateful for the effort he put in day after day. Still, he didn't take it for granted, and it wouldn't matter to him if Ha Sol decided to stop at any time. He didn't want him to feel burdened.
“Eat.”
Han Jinheon returned the plate with the neatly sliced steak to its owner. A blush crept onto Han Sol’s cheeks as he looked down at the plate. Then, with a touched expression, he gave a thumbs-up and said with a charming grin,
"Hyung, this humble younger brother thanks you deeply.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
Han Jinheon watched Han Sol spear two pieces of the steak he had cut and stuff them into his mouth in one go, then picked up his wine glass. He had almost let the word “cute” slip out.
At the same time, he grew curious. How would this kid react if he actually called him cute? The old Han Sol would have shrieked at him to stop talking bullshit. This new version, this frustratingly cute kid, would probably just give a cute smile.
“Hyung.”
He stopped imagining and looked at Han Sol. His cheeks were still noticeably flushed, small and rosy. Whether it was from the wine or not, even the flush looked cute; he wondered if he was going crazy.
“You told me to think about what I wanted to do after dinner, right?”
“Did you decide?”
Han Jinheon had told Han Sol he would do whatever he wanted today. It didn't matter what it was. They could rent out a department store after hours for a shopping spree or book an entire movie theater. He was prepared to grant whatever he wished.
This was partly a celebration of his decision, but it was also a consolation for Han Sol, who looked so terribly pale, as if weighed down by all the anxieties that came with it. At first, Han Jinheon had suspected he was still moping because of Kim Gyuyeong. It was plausible that Han Sol was still hung up on the marriage news.
Even though he was twenty-five, he was still young. He had only had physical relationships with various men; he didn't know love and had never been in love.
As an observer of Han Sol's peculiar unrequited love, he could guarantee that, though his methods were terribly misguided, the feelings he had for Kim Gyuyoung were love and genuine.
He was staring at the ad with Cha Seonmin earlier. Whether it was lingering feelings for Gyuyeong or anxiety about his manifestation, it didn't matter.
Han Jinheon wanted to be the one to take care of him. Swallowing a sigh behind a placid expression, he listened. Sol mumbled around a mouthful of steak.
“Yeah. But it might be a bit of a hassle for you.”
“As if you being a hassle for me is anything new.”
Han Jinheon leaned forward, resting his arms on the table, inviting him to say whatever it was. Han Sol seemed delighted just by the thought. He smiled that pure, bright smile, his eyes crinkling, and leaned his head back slightly, his straight hair shifting with the movement.
Han Jinheon found himself swallowing, his Adam's apple moving unconsciously. It was just the sway of his hair, but it sent a strange, ticklish feeling through his core.
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